The shot yesterday wasn't bad at all.  It's a very tiny needle and I asked for it in my abdomen since I didn't know if the "ingredients" in the syringe might sting.  They didn't and I could have taken the shot in my arm, as I doubt I would have had problems sleeping on that arm.  They reminded me this was the shot that would cause about 48 hours of bone pain as the white cells begin to multiply quickly.  I *was* uncomfortable last night and woke up every two hours to use the bathroom.  Just a little achy and Extra Strength Tylenol was fine. 

Poor JoAnn.  She was up all night because Annamarie was up with lights on in the formal living room (right outside the room JoAnn sleeps in), playing in the bathroom with JoAnn's mouth wash (at 2:30am!!!), and (needless to say) JoAnn isn't a happy camper today.  She has had trouble sleeping for the past few nights and took a sleeping pill last night.  Still no sleep!  Bless her heart.

I browsed on the Internet last night a bit and found more of the same sleeping caps like the one I purchased.  It's white and like a knit cap you wear in winter but is made of baby nightgown soft cotton/poly and small enough to fit my ittsy bittsy head!  I CAN wear that around the house with my Amish looking headcovering on top of it and I'm sure that will make me feel better.  I was glad to read that most women have a bigger issue with being bald than they do with their breasts being removed.  A head is something everyone sees and the chest can be disguised or hidden. 

Now I don't feel so weird for praying, "Please God, take my breasts, but not my hair."  I let go yesterday in the shower and prayed, "Lord YOUR will with my hair.  You can miraculously glue it at the roots or take it bit by bit as YOUR will, not mine, is done."  That moment was another where I had to let go of control (so very easy for me to do - NOT!) and I felt relief afterward.  I have made the decision to NOT cut or shave my head.  I just can't do that.  I feel much better letting God have control over when and how my hair leaves me. At the first sign of hair loss, I'll wear that soft sleep cap and, then, the wig when I go out in public.  ALTHOUGH, I won't wear the wig to chemo.  You are in a cushy recliner and laying back to relax you.  I don't think lying back on a wig, or worrying about it slipping around on my head, would be very relaxing.

I'm taking all prescriptions and my "up chuck" basin, JUST IN CASE, to Stephanie's this morning.  I should really get off of here and get dressed.  We need to leave soon before Don gets started.  I'm feeling okay and taking my Bible and boombox & headphones and favorite CDs with me to Stephanie's apartment.  Rissy is thrilled that JanaLyn will be there.  Some "alone time" for them, which is a rarity!

Chemo was okay yesterday.  I felt like I had 7-up fizzy stuff for blood after I arrived home.  I laid in bed for a while listening to music and realized the chemo might not be the only reason I was feeling fizzy (or shaky) inside.  I had undergone anesthesia drugs, surgery to place that POCKET WATCH SIZE (only a slight exaggeration in size!!!) in my chest after a failed first attempt, AND my body had just received cell killing drugs - all within 24 hours.  I guess that's reason, enough, for a physical body to feel shaky and . . . well . . . just plain weird. 

After a few hours resting, I was ready for dinner and took leery and cautious bites of my food.  No ill effects, although I chose to push the onions aside.

If you are faint of heart, scroll past these next pictures of my "chest and neck wounds" - blurry and untouched but how I look today in one of my beautiful new nightgowns with bruises and stitches abounding across my clavicle & neck areas.

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We arrived at the 10am appointed time and I was handed a calendar for the rest of April and what appointments they have set for me.  I glanced at April 16th's schedule (yesterday) and GACK!!!  they had me scheduled for FIVE HOURS OF CHEMOTHERAPY!!!  Mind you I had eaten a banana & a handful of cashews for breakfast, had NO food with me (they offer crackers & juice, but that does little for one with low blood sugar problems), I had nothing with me to read, no music to listen to (I CAN bring my boombox and headphones next time), and I currently have my "monthly" and came with what I was wearing and nothing more.  Talk about unprepared!  Somehow I had in my head (but you know how my head is these days!!!) that chemo took about an hour.  Well, technically it does, but that doesn't included the other things like hooking me up to the IV, hooking up the anti-nausea bag (30 minutes of solution), pushing some other drug through me (20 minutes) that makes your urine red, and yet another bag of the once a month bone rejuvenation medicine (another 30 minutes).  In all, I waited an hour to be seated and then a little over 3 hours for all of those bags I mentioned.  We were gone by 2pm - 4 hours after I arrived.

I had a WONDERFUL chemo assistant and was blessed to be seated in a chair away from everyone else, which afforded me some privacy.  I requested a Bible over the magazines they offered and that was my reading material (not a bad choice!).  I told Jesse to go ahead and leave and I'd call when I was almost ready to leave.  As the chemo assistant (Pam) pushed the 3 vials of "red stuff," I was instructed to chew on ice the whole time to avoid mouth sores.  The coldness is helpful in keeping mouth sores from forming.  I "haphazardly" turned to PS 103 (Bless the Lord oh my soul . . .) and came to and stopped at, verse 5:  "Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things" THANK YOU GOD!!!!  I meditated on those words while I sucked on my ice chips.

Upon being disconnected from all of the IV's and my needle and tubes that had been left in after surgery, I was told to drink LOTS of water to flush out the chemicals and to expect my urine to remain red for a few days.  I came home and drank 3 quarts of water before going to bed and my urine is clear today.  I guess they don't anticipate people following their instructions implicitly.  I am a stickler for rules and believe rules are in place for a reason and try, my best, to follow them.  I need to drink 1/2 a gallon of water daily, and my medicines make me thirsty (they loaded me up with 4 new RX's), so I don't think drinking will be an issue.

The girls have their therapy appointment today and I will go with them and have my "build your white blood cells back up" injection while we are on that side of town.  They say they can give it in the abdomen or arm and, since I'm a side sleeper, I'm going to brave the abdomen stick.  JoAnn said she has received injections there and they aren't as bad as they sound.  PLUS, Pam told me the needle was a very small one.  Surely, with all of my excess abdomen, she can pull a pound of flesh, pinch it, and give the injection with me being harmed by a mortal wound!

I hesitate, again, to post a "Today's To Do List" as  I certainly hadn't anticipated yesterday's events in any way, shape, or form.  Talk about letting go - ME, the micro-manager and control freak!  What a different world I'm learning to live in and adapt! 

Chirper's loving my "down time" and has stuck close to my side, as I suspected he would do.  What a sweet little friend to have - always ready to kiss and give me smiley eyes with his purrs of comfort!

Some Things I'd LIKE To Do Today:
*  Change the sheets on our big bed
*  Wash the sheets

Surely, with help, that's doable . . .

Be Blessed  ~

Not knowing how chemo will make me feel today, I fixed a turkey breast for dinner last night, with baked sweet potatoes, mixed vegetables, and cranberry sauce.  THEN,  Jesse made a trip to our local ice cream store (Braum's) for a banana split for me.  I am lactose intolerant and, even with Lactaid, ice cream almost always gives me digestive problems.  Last night, I had none!!!  Praise God for *that* miracle He performed!!!

I'm not sure what time I fell asleep.  I had planned on taking a pain pill at bed time but fell asleep.  I woke up at midnight with my incision sites bothering me (tender and stinging).  I took one pain pill and one again around 4am.  My neck and clavicle area began swelling late last night.  Swallowing makes me feel like I have the mumps on the right side of my throat.  It isn't terribly painful, just swollen and (I guess) "lumpy" feeling.

Yesterday, I woke up in the operating room (it's hard to sedate me and I have always awakened from surgery earlier than hospital staff expects) and was begging for a drink or piece of ice.  That explained I was still in the O.R. and they had nothing to offer.  PLUS . . . they had to take an x-ray of the port to be sure it was in the right place.  I began offering money in exchange for a drink to the nurse who was assigned to me.  I started at $25, went up to $50, and then $100!!!  She laughed, but refused me a drink, insisting I wait for the x-ray.  She rolled my bed to the recovery room and I upped my offer to $200 and the nurse said, "If you have the money on you, I'd be happy to give you some ice for $200!!!"  I explained I didn't actually *HAVE* it on me, but was an honest person and could back up my mouth - but, it was a no go!

Soon after the x-ray, I was taken to the family area where you and your bed are placed in a cubicle. There sat Jesse.  I was offered a package of saltine crackers or a package of graham crackers - my choice.  I think I rolled my eyes and mentioned something about cruel and unusual punishment and reiterated my need for *WATER* again!  She laughed.  I explained to Jesse how thirsty I was (tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth thirsty) and my nurse quickly brought me a 32oz cup with lid & straw.  I came so very close to worshipping her!!!  I wasn't there long before she allowed me to sit up and get dressed.  She couldn't believe I was navigating as well as I was and cautioned me about doing a number of things (the usual check list they give you before releasing you from the hospital) and one of the things listed was, "Do not make any decisions or sign any papers for 24 hours."  My most major decision planned was which new nightgown to change into when I got home!

When I got home from the hospital, I changed into one of my nightgowns, I ate a few chocolate chip cookies and a banana, then I began to feel dizzy or nauseous.  I wasn't sure which, so I requested a "throw-up basin" (which, thankfully, wasn't needed) and laid down.  I sleep for about 2 hours.  AND, I felt fine when I woke up.  Of course, I was drinking water like a thirsty fish!

  
Brother-in-law, Richard, with his family.  Their littlest, Kathleen, is three.  Our granddaughter, Jaiden, is four.  Granddaughter, JanaLyn, is five.  Our *own* youngest girls are: Luci who is 6, Rissy 8, and Annamarie 9.  Talk about a stairstep set of little girls!  They had the best time together, as did we with our house full of company.  Poor Thomas (the only boy) stayed buried in his Leapster or Ninetendo DS games most of the time!  Can't say I blame him!!!

My "wounds" are more sore today and my neck and clavicle area are squishy swollen.  When I go for my first chemo treatment today, they will take off all the tape and disengage the needle and tubing.  I'm supposed to put an antibiotic ointment on me and lightly cover the stitches.  Yesterday afternoon, JoAnn brought me a frozen package of corn to hold on my neck, to keep the swelling at a minimum.  I'll be glad to get all of the tubes and tape off of me.  I can't tell what is restricting my movement:  the tape or the swelling and pain.  Maybe it's both.

I was able to ask the surgeon (before surgery) what exactly was the plan for me regarding a calendar for chemo & surgery.  She said the "plan" was for 4 chemo rounds, then surgery, then 4 more chemo rounds.  I told her I didn't know why I couldn't get the events straight and she assured me that it was unknown exactly WHAT would happen and WHEN.  She said things might change, but that was the plan or approach she had in mind.  At least I know I'm not going crazy or losing my mind regarding planning.  She said the reason I couldn't remember "the plan" was because it DID keep changing!  That was a relief to hear - usually it's ME and my forgetfulness!

Nothing planned for "Today's To Do List" as I don't know exactly what to expect.  I talked with our 3 girls last night (while I hogged down my banana split!!!!) and told them I *might* feel nauseated or throw up, but the doctor would give me medicine to keep those side effects to a minimum.  Mainly, I wanted them to know that if I cried, they shouldn't worry.

I told them I leanred from my long battle with pneumonia in 2007 that when I feel frustrated, I begin to cry.  Not being one to cry very often (like hardly ever), my crying in 2007 sent them into a panic and Rissy called her dad and sister (Stephanie) and told them to get home quick! 

We'll see what today and the next few days bring to me.  Tomorrow, I'll have to go back and receive that injection to encourage my white blood cells to regenerate.

Be Blessed  ~

I'm home.  Port is in place.  She tried a higher spot first and couldn't get the tube in the jugular vein - I'm sore there.  There is a puncture under my clavicle bone and pain up my neck and a bruised area on the side of my neck.  That is the only pain I have.  The puncture wound, where she tried to enter under the clavicle, feels like a broken cuticle or paper cut when you squeeze lemon juice on it.  It is a continuous burn and on of scale of 1-10 it's a zero - just a sting.  I was also given Percoset.  I've only taken one.

Chaplain prayed with us before surgery and everyone was super.  This is the neatest hospital!  Mercy Hospital.  That name means what it says.

Now I've been told the surgeon plans to do surgery after 4 rounds of chemo - approximately 8 weeks, but all is left up to how my MRIs look.  So, basically, I still don't know anything for sure.
 
Back to bed, I go.  I knew people would want to know I was okay.

Be Blessed  ~

Today, I will show the next set of pictures (which makes it look like all of the visit from family was simply chaos reigning out of control!) from last week.  It wasn't *all* chaos . . . but the visit *DID* have its moments!

This is our *NICE & REFINED"  family:  Richard & Angie, their children, our children, and Jaiden our granddaughter.
                                    

And THIS is how much fun "some of us" had!!!  Obviously, I stayed behind the camera!
  
This is "Bubba Richard" (an enlisted Navy guy) being body slammed to the floor by a bunch of girls!

Today will be full of rush, rush, rush.   I need to shop for a few things at Wal-Mart.  Our pantry was depleted of hotdogs, paper plates & napkins, etc. while we had a house full of family.  There are a few odd things (coffee creamer,  cat food, etc.) that also need to be replenished, but the trip should be a quick and short one.

I got the valance back up in the den and still have our bedroom sheers and valance to do.  The bedroom is more difficult because furniture is in front of those windows.

I was able to use some leftover chicken from Sunday's meal to make chicken and noodles last night.  Tonight I'll make the turkey breast.  It wasn't thawed enough to use last night.

My desk is piling up AGAIN with . . . "things" . . . but, I'm almost done with all of the girls' laundry.  I'm trying to do all three girls' clothes today.  A monumental moment in history, as that's a LOT of clothing!

I read online, last night, about what to expect after they install my port tomorrow morning.  Is that the correct way to refer to that procedure??? -  "install" or "installation" - It kind of sounds like putting a transmission in a car or "installing" something new on my computer!!!  I would almost guaranty you, I'll feel a bit sore - a 2" incision with stitches and one report said a second smaller incision with one stitch or two.  Mmmmmmm?  And a bulky quarter size (at least that big) piece of metal under my skin is gonna feel . . . not so great, you think?  Maybe even painful?????  The next day - chemo starts. 

                 The "Navy" in Bubba Richard began to surface as he began to rise with girls hanging on him!
                                 

I'd like to wash my four (yes I got FOUR!!!!) new nightgowns so I can have those clean and ready to wear.  I have to put my birthday "things" away, too.  Boxes of candy, CD's, books . . .   Such a nice birthday.  I love the small things - kitchen towels, candles, and such.  I guess I finally am at that "Grandma Age" where I have everything and little things are more useful!!!!

                        Aaaaaannnnnd . . . HE DID IT!  The Navy man won and couldn't be held down!
                            

Today's To Do List:
*  Grocery store
*  Straighten my bedroom
*  Bathe (well, duh!)
*  Clean desk and pay a few bills
*  Call oncologist's office to confirm "my plan"
*  Get turkey in the oven for dinner
*  Clean bird cage

                          
Of course, it wouldn't be "our house" if Daddy didn't give the girls a piggy back ride!!!  That's Jaiden in pink, Annamarie's rear end in the denim skirt bent over Jesse, and Rissy with her little white bloomers showing!

Be Blessed  ~

I have uploaded some pictures (I have LOTS) and will share a few a day from the past week in our house.

A question was posed in my last post (due to my pictures of empty pans), "What did the food become when it grew up?"   My answer is, "It became MEXICAN FOOD!" 

I've had my fill of Mexican food for a while!  We ate out several times at Mexican restaurants and my sister-in-law, Angie, made a delicious meal that night (the night when the groceries were piled all over the kitchen table) of cheese, beef, and chicken enchiladas with refried beans.  Everything was as good as any restaurant food I've ordered.  I was quite impressed.

  
A 1/2 brother to Jesse, Richard, and his wife Angie.   The ones who made the enchilada meal.

AND . . . Richard and Jesse assumed the kitchen clean up duty!
  

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I found the neatest wig on Saturday - not cheap - but I figure I'll be wearing it for years until my hair is a long enough length to pull up into some sort of bun or whatever.  It's platinum like my own hair with dark roots.  Although the wig is long hair and on the thin side, it is still thicker than my own hair - but such a close match.  I think it might be a little shorter than my own hair, but I'm so happy with it.  The dark roots in the wig (looks like a bleach job that needs a touch up) accent my brown eyes and I didn't look so pale as the single color wigs made me look.  The gal at the store is a two time cancer survivor, she was full of helpful hints, and VERY nice.  She had an irate customer to deal with while we were in the back in a private room playing with the wigs, etc.  She said was appreciative of our patience and said (yet another person) she couldn't believe how great my attitude was about the whole diagnosis and assured me my attitude, sense of humor, and relationship with God would make things much easier to bear.  She wanted to hug me after we were finished paying, as she said there was "just something about me" . . . I'm sure she saw the peace that belongs to God flowing through me.  I still feel like I'm "just me" and haven't noticed a change in my personality.  Maybe that's what others see, I'm standing firmly on the Word of God and not wavering under the pressure of a scary diagnosis.

After eating and before cleaning the dishes, we squeezed in my birthday.  Since there were so many baked goods, there wasn't a need for a birthday cake.  I received perfect gifts.  By perfect I mean, new nightgowns that will be easy to get in and out of (after surgery), kitchen towels (I can never have too many), those Listerine breath papers (I can never find them, but love them), a new purse from Annamarie (and BIG, too!), a snap down the front gown and slippers from Luci,  and some headphones from Rissy so I could listen to my Christian music without bothering others.  They are the big kind of headphones that are like sponge cups over your ears - the wearer hears, but no one sitting next to the wearer can hear a thing.

Today's To Do List:
*  Hang valances
*  Put decorative things either on top of the kitchen cabinets (up high) or pack them up & store them
*  Clean the top of my dresser.  I started and am almost done
*  Make a turkey breast for dinner with sweet potatoes & cranberry sauce
*  Still try to relax and spend time memorizing Bible Scripture

Be Blessed  ~

I know that Jesse and I went to our "What to Expect from Chemo" class (my title, not theirs!!) and found it surprisingly informative.  I learned the answers to many of the questions I hadn't had a chance to ask, yet!  I feel like I'm fading away with all of these appointments and names & dates to remember.  I do much better as a SAHM to my 3 little girls!  JoAnn would disagree - she doesn't know HOW I "do" girls, teach, cook, clean, laundry, business, pay bills, and all the other things that go along with it!  She's a great help and I fear my household may be wearing her out.

The joke today is - She came here sane and today joined the girls in a therapy session.  Great!  She's been here a week and already in therapy!!!  Just joking!

I'm not sure if this is JoAnn helping Rissy or Rissy helping JoAnn.  AND . . .

JoAnn had made brownies earlier and Rissy whispered to me, "I don't think Auntie JoJo knew she could make brownies and the cake at the same time.  If you'll get the mixer and stuff put together for me, I'll make it while you're gone!"

So, again, I'm not sure who is helping who here!
  

We're back to a house of 14 (7 children, 7 adults).  After lunch out (at a Mexican restaurant), we divided into two groups.  JoAnn, the girls, and I went to the therapy session and then to the first wig place (egads! those wigs have 92 million more weight and thickness than my own hair) and then back home.  Jesse and the others came home from the restaurant.  Then Jaiden and our young niece (one year younger than Jaiden), Kathleen, were left here with Jesse and bil (Richard), wife (Angie), daughter (Nikki), and husband (Jason) left for a while.

Curiosity got the better of me and when everyone went to the back yard, I snooped in the kitchen and found this.

I will go to another place tomorrow to look at wigs.  I have an 11am appointment and they specialize in chemo patients or anyone with hair loss.  I'm wanting something that is hard to find - something long-ish, not too thick, and plain in its cut or style.  I want to pull it back in a low ponytail and change my headcovering to a kerchief style.  Everything is made with cute bobbed hair cut styles and the long wigs we looked at today were so thick they swallowed my tiny face.  I'm sure I'll find something SOMEWHERE. 

It hit me this morning pretty hard.  This is the worst part of the whole experience - losing my hair.  Knowing that it will grow back and "yadda, yadda, yadda" that everyone has said to make me feel better, doesn't help.  It's crushing me.  You'd think a diagnosis of cancer would scare the pants off of me, but the hair loss is the only issue I've shed a few tears over, and I guess I'm entitled to a few of those.  I'm not much of a crier (really, not at all) - so you know it's an issue if tears spring from my eyes!  I won't wear my hair short, so the wig will be a couple year (at the least) investment.  AND, I'll have to buy a turban (or whatever) to sleep in.

The kitchen is getting loud, I may need to see what's going on!  I'll try to update again this weekend, or at least take more pictures and post them Monday.  I have to make a wig decision by Monday so I can pick one out.  I will start wearing it BEFORE my hair falls out.  I can't bring myself to cut it (religious convictions) and so the quicker I find one, the sooner I'll make the adjustment.  And, God's will is how I'll wait for the loss of hair.

One more thing - My cousin, Claire, had surgery this morning - a possible cancer scare . . . please pray for her recovery and a good pathology report to come back.  She's a dear cousin/friend and I would appreciate prayers on her behalf.  Also, her mother (my aunt) I'm sure is stressed about her and my diagnoses.  Please hold my Aunt Doris (and my Uncle Howard) in your prayers for peace and rest.

Thanks!

Be Blessed  ~

The oncologist wants the stuff around my spine to be shrunk quickly.  I asked for the most aggressive treatment and she asked if I was sure.  I am.  They will do chemo every other week (2 weeks) and take MRI's to see how things are responding to the drug.  I'm prepared to fight hard and will do it with God's help.

JoAnn will be here for the first 3 rounds of chemo (since they are so close together) and that's a blessing.  I think I will elect to have a double mastectomy instead of the lumpectomy because it will negate breast cancer in the future.

I will also get a free wig from my insurance company.  Get this . . .the call it a "hair prosthesis"!!!!

My April 17th surgery has been canceled, and they will put a port in my chest April 15th and chemo will start April 16th.  Talk about Switch-o Change-o!

The "plan" changed 3 times today and my phone has been ringing off the wall.  So many things to handle and thoughts to process.  ANYWAY, I've asked them to get rid of the cancer as quickly and tough as they could attack it and the oncologist has said if she thinks I'm suffering too much from a chemo drug, she will stop it and try something else.  She doesn't want me to be brave and suffer needlessly when other drugs could be used.  She thinks my attitude and spiritual strength will make this all successful.  Life span is optimistic based on others with the same problem.

So, please continue to pray.  I am and many other are.  I have done well with all of this company here.  There were 14 the other day and tomorrow, there will be the same 14 back AND my oldest daughter and granddaughter will be here to see the family.  If I have to, I will close myself up in my room to be sure I stay calm and get the rest I need before next Wednesday and Thursday.  I don't need to feel stressed going into these procedures.  That would be stupid.

I discussed some dietary things to strengthen myself (specific foods and drinking Ensure) and the doctor said those were excellent ideas.  She also said they would start giving me something to increase my bone strength (like the Boniva Sally Field advertises on TV). 

Gosh I can't think of anything else.  I just know I won't have time to write tomorrow.  I love Friday after 5pm - all of the businesses and offices close for the weekend!!!  I told the surgeon's nurse I was almost at the point of having "her people call my people"!!!!!!!!!!!  She promised the roller coaster ride would slow down!

(I sure miss taking and posting pictures!)

Be Blessed  ~

They are concerned about the bone (T-2 vertebrae) and want to shrink that area and the lymph gland before doing surgery.  THEN, it looks like I'll be facing a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy, much less a double mastectomy.

I'll know more tomorrow after my morning appointment. 

Totally turns around our plans for JoAnn to be here for my surgery.  Doesn't look like ANY surgery will be done until summer.  I'd guess at least 4 treatments of chemotherapy at 3 week intervals.

So . . . we wait.

Too many people & too much going.  I'll update when I know something!

Be Blessed  ~

Then, at 6:30pm, daughter, Nikki, her husband (Jason), and daughter (our granddaughter, Jaiden) arrived at the airport.  They were assigned a bedroom.

By 8pm, we finally had chili dogs, chips, and baked beans served on paper plates.  Adults in the formal dining room and children around the kitchen table.  Seven adults, seven children!

We are attempting to cook breakfast for the masses.  Well . . . *I'm* not, Jesse, JoAnn, & Angie are cooking sausage and Jesse is making a run for donuts. 

I will try to write more later AFTER my surgeon's appointment which is at noon.

Be Blessed  ~