September 16, 2010

• It’s Not Like it Used to Be!!!

  I remember getting up every morning and sitting down to type something on Xanga, while I drank my coffee and woke up.

  That’s me today.

  Maybe this is the best way to accomplish posting new info.

  My each, and every, day hold so much.  I’m glad for the activity, as it was this time, last year, I was in the hospital, burned from my radiation treatments.  I could barely swallow a pill, much less expand my chest to breath, without pain.  What a WONDERFUL difference a year makes!

                                    

  Today will be day *FOUR* of our school.  It’s beginning to come together.  There’s just so much more work with these older grades.  First grade wasn’t much different than kindergarten, but mixing 1st, 2nd, and 3rd is a challenge.

  I was pulled in 92 million directions yesterday, making it hard for me to focus.  The chemo has left me without the ability multi-task, to the extent I used to multi-task.  The max I can handle is two things at the same time.

  We’re still suffering from the after shocks of the freezer door being left open for more than 24 hours.  A couple of nights ago I made frozen corn and it had a mushy texture.  We have a bunch of things in the refrigerator taking up space.  Things that would have normally been in the freezer (like butter).

  Yesterday afternoon, I lost it.  Three different times a Cool Whip container (with rice and meat stored in it) fell out of the refrigerator and onto my toes.  The fourth time it fell, I picked it and threw it (“chucked it” might be more accurate) across the room toward the sink filled with dirty dishes.  Jesse was home and saw the flying projectile missile and said,
   
  “Hey!”
  to which I replied,
  “I don’t care!”
  to which he said, “Cher’”??????!!!!!!”
  and I again said (but with more emphasis),
  “I DON’T CARE . . .
  I just don’t care, anymore!”

  That’s when I stormed off to the bedroom to put *myself* in “time out.”

  When Jesse came through the room, a while later, I said, “Jesse. I’m not mad at you, it’s just . . . ” and he said, “Then don’t talk.  Just be by yourself.”  I think I weakly said, “Thank you.”

          

  It’s a culmination of too many things on my plate, *PLUS* full time homeschooling again.  I ended up with tears dripping down my cheeks and muttering, “They don’t know I can’t do as many things as I used to do.  They still think I’m smart and I’m not.  I’ve turned into a bumbling idiot, but they still think I’m as sharp as I used to be.  They don’t realize how difficult “that which used to be simple for me” (a daily routine) has become.  

                                       

  I’ve never been a huge crier, but those drops down my cheeks helped to take the cap off of the bottle within me, that was about to explode.  After 30 or 45 minutes of being alone, I felt a bit revived.

  I went to church last night (hungry, because dinner lacked 10 minutes of being finished) and bathed in the love of our Lord.  Some of the hymns we sang were my favorites.  We closed with “Abide With Me”

  Oh!  How I needed to read and savor those calming words!  Then, as always, the congregation was SO FRIENDLY after the meeting had closed.  All the warm hugs from the women and hand shakes from the men – it was the acceptance and genuine joy (that group of people give) that I needed.

  Of course, I sleep hard last night, and that ALWAYS makes the next day easier to handle.

  As you can see, I’ve finally gotten my shelves cleared out and less cluttered.  The additional third bookcase has been a real blessing.  Now I can easily see all of my books and they are grouped in sections.  All fiction, all historical, Christian growth, Condensed Reader’s Digest volumes, quick read pick me up booklets, books about raising children and the family . . .

  I like organization.  I always have.  Now that I only have half a memory to work with, it’s proved to be a powerful tool!

                           
  
  I’ve ordered new sweaters and long warm skirts for the girls and me from Ebay.  People who don’t know me (like in line at the store) ask, “Have you recently lost a lot of weight?”  I take it to mean, my old dresses are too baggy on my frame, due to the  25+ weight I’ve dropped.  I have even dropped two sizes in underwear and my ring size and watch!

  Last week, I started going through the closets, pulling “summer” clothes.  I’ve almost gone through all of the dressers, pulling “summer” shirts.  The girls still have short sleeve shirts, but they are in fall colors instead of pastels.

  All of the girls and I got new sweaters, skirts, slips, and hooded t-shirts.  We are excited.  Wearing those heavy sweaters seems like light years away, but that cold weather will be here before you know it!  Rissy’s and mine are currently on the love seat at the end of my bed.
  
  Speaking of “bed,” usually, when I read in bed in the evening, one or more of the girls will climb in with me and talk about how cozy they feel.  Recently, the conversations have been turning to chilly night stories.  Memories of starting up the fireplace in the morning, and so on! 

  Chirper sure has captured the beginning of fall.  He’s been eating like crazy (actually, he’s finally slowed down a bit) and sleeps on my side of the bed by my pillow.  He welcomes us by stretching out as long as his body can and literally wiggling his toes!

                       

  I’ve thought about becoming a cat, although I don’t know how to make that happen!!!

  Oh to be him!  Everyone loves him, talks to him and strokes him all the time and tells him how sweet and good he is.  He’s told umpteen times a day what a good boy he his.  Then little treats are sent his way (secretly) under the table at meal time! 

  Everyone is always glad to see him, and when he walks into the room a family member will almost always say, “Chiiiirrrr – perrrrrrr!  Hiiiiiiiii” 

  He’s kept warm.  He’s played with, when he’s in the mood.  And he is kissed on the forehead and cheekbones more times in a day than I can count.  What a life.  People doting on you and catering to your every whim!!!!

  Dream on, Cher’, dream on!

  I have some mini muffins (apple and cinnamon) about to come out of the oven.  I’m going to jump right on that challenge, and see if I can eat a few! 

  Be Blessed  ~

  • 10:18 am
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