I will write more at another time.

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After the craziness of yesterday (and Monday), no one wanted to wake up this morning.  Not only did they wear me out (AND their dad) with yesterday's antics, but I think they wore themselves out!

  Zzzzzzzzzzz  (slightly awake!)                                             Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

                                  
                                   Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

See the tear in the armhole of Luci's nightgown (picture #1)?  I have no idea when *that* happened, but today, I have decided, would be a good day to go through the fall and winter clothing boxes. 

We have one more gorgeous day left
                  
and tomorrow the storms arrive (I'm getting weather advisories from the weather bureau while I type this!), followed by VERY cold weather in the 7 day forecast.  It's hard to believe when I look at this morning's sky and the rose bush that is still sporting flowers!

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Chirper woke me up this morning, very early (around 5:00am-ish), and I later realized it was at about the same time my dad had died.  I wonder about animals and their instinct.  I was praying for our pastor friend (C.J.) who is having quad-bypass surgery this morning.  I prayed for his family and I should have been praying for my own.  Chirper was so insistent about touching my face over and over, again.  I fell back to sleep, but he woke me up every 20 minutes - pawing at my chin or cheeks.

                      
I found Stormy wistfully looking through small cracks in the blinds at the sunny beginning to the day!  She had no clue I was behind her with the camera and didn't move after I snapped her picture.  I wish I had time to just sit and look outside, enjoying all of the beautiful colored foliage and cute birds that fill the backyard!!!!!

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Like I said, earlier . . . My goal today is to bring in fall clothes/nightgowns/underwear and pack up the summer things.  I have a nice pile started on the dining room table to go up into the attic.  These are the things I think someone will be able to wear next spring/summer. 

I have a big pile of what needs to be given away, too!!!!
                      

Do you see the pumpkins/squash, and fall flowers on the table?  That's another project I hope to get to this week.  I'll take down the white flowers on the dining room table and put out the fall vegetables/fruits/flowers.  That isn't as pressing as getting warm clothing for us to wear, but that's a fun project I look forward to doing.
       

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Jesse and I had a long talk about homeschooling yesterday.  What's working and what is NOT working. 

Does anyone know of any online FREE sites that have worksheets, etc. for children with learning disabilities?  Maybe it doesn't really have to be for LD children, but worksheets that teach basic information. 

Annamarie (who will be 10yo in March) is really struggling with first grade work.  After Jesse's and my discussion last night, I think the regular books need to be pulled and she needs to be taught practical skills. 

You know?  Skills she will need to survive in life; like: counting money, telling the time, reading words (I guess it's not as important to be a good speller, as it is to read a sign or directions) and any other practical thing that will help her as she grows older. 

Any suggestions will be welcomed by me!

And, I'm thanking you in advance.

Be Blessed  ~

Every bit of the homework my 3 girls turned in from yesterday was . . .

wrong!       Wrong!      WRONG!!! 

Sooo frustrating.  And, of course, I am of the mind, that if they didn't do it right, it's because I didn't teach it right. 

We are spending today correctly yesterday's work.  Believe me, there is plenty to keep everyone busy!!

Annamarie has progressively fallen behind Luci, since the start of this year school (I knew that might happen, but didn't think it would happen this fast), and I am no longer able to teach Luci and Annamarie at the same pace.  That means I have THREE lesson plans a day instead of two.  Other people with more children are probably used to three lesson plans a day . . . or more!  I was really hoping Annamarie (9 1/2 yo) could keep up with first grade work . . . but, it doesn't look like she will be able to do it.  No sense making her feel bad about herself and her learning difficulties . . . if she can't, she can't. 

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I spoke to my sister last night.  My dad was moved from the hospital to his home Monday afternoon.  A private duty nurse will be there around the clock and Hospice will check in.  The assessment was that he wouldn't live many more days.  He was vaguely aware of the move and was told he was "home" when he arrived.  The hospital bed is in the living room and I don't know if that makes him more confused, or not.  He isn't awake much and when he does waken, he is still not aware of much. 

Sigh . . . I hate this.

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I feel okay today, physically.  I have a pretty bad "raspy" voice, due to the radiation burning my insides.  Yesterday, I received "discharge papers" from the radiation oncology department and was told to come back in one month to see how I was doing. 

I talked with my oncologist's (the gal I like, so much) nurse and I found out I should NEVER have been drinking so much water without my food intake being at a normal level.  The water did more damage than good.  Now I'm drinking Gatorade - a drink (in ANY flavor) I detest - in order to keep up my electrolytes.  Terms I've never really had to deal with in the past.  Oh how lovely, the field of medicine!!!! (not)

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I guess I shouldn't stay on here.  I need to eat (and DRINK) and keep the girls moving forward. 

This is just a hard day for me all around . . .  

* my dad and the waiting
* my children being inattentive in school
* my children fighting with each other
* my needing to drink disgusting Gatorade . . .

BLEAH!!!!

  (I'm okay - just in a complaining mood!!!)

And, by the way, I'm really enjoying my book - the 3rd in a 3 part series.

Be Blessed  ~

It's been cold.  We finally had to turn the heaters on in the front and back of our house last night before bed.  They are set on 69, just to knock the chill out of the air.  Temps yesterday and today are only in the high 50's.  Not a drop of sun - all cloudy skies and drizzle/rain.  My low blood pressure makes me REALLY chilly!!!   Brrrrr!

My sister said my dad is still in the hospital but they are talking about navigating a move to the house with Hospice and a private duty nurse.  Today may change their plans, if his condition is worsened.  He's less responsive and breathing is jagged.  The hospital wants to move him, keeping the bed for another patient they can "treat" - Daddy isn't "treatable" and it's routine for the hospital to discharge patients in his condition.

I starting have esophagus problem last night.  It was worse this morning.  BUT, I am managing it, okay.  This is the last day of radiation and I will try to stay calm, waiting out the pain and spasms in my chest.  Trust me . . . they are NOTHING like what sent me to the ER, last time.  This is uncomfortable, but not horrible.

I have to teach the girls school and give them spelling tests that I didn't give last Friday.  I better run.

Thank you for your prayers, regarding my dad and my radiation treatments.  I'm SO GLAD this is the last one!

Be Blessed  ~

Not only is it sad for me to lose my dad, but this is a special dad to me.  He isn't my biological father - he is a father who accepted me as a "foster daughter" (so-to-speak) when my biological family was falling apart in my teen years.  He and his family were there in a "Mom, Dad, Sibling role," when I had no one else.  He has been my example of a stable, loving man and father.  It is hard to say good bye.

I know God is with me and is here to comfort me - but it isn't easy.

The hardest part?  I can't be there.  I can't go to say good-bye or kiss him one more time.  I can't even go to the funeral.  He is miles away from me (me in Oklahoma and him near Tahoe, CA) and I am not able to travel. 

I can't stop radiation treatments and I can't take the chance of flying in a plane (a closed area with lots of germs).  Driving is a long trip (especially with the 3 girls) and my health is just not able to withstand the travels.  How frustrating! 

Several years ago I told my dad how much he meant to me - in case the day would ever come when I lost him suddenly and wished I had told him what was in my heart.  There is nothing more to say, not to him.  BUT . . .  I am very angry with the cancer.  It has robbed me of so many things.  When I thought nothing else could be taken away from me, I find myself HERE and not able to go THERE and be with "Daddy" and family.

Please pray for my family who is there and being a support to each other.  And, pray for my heart - which breaks being so far away from everyone.

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SPEAKING OF PRAYERS . . . .

I want to talk about something that many of you may feel, right now.  So many of you are new Xanga friends and people I didn't meet until I was diagnosed with cancer.  You have shared my news, my battle, my GOOD report of healing, and, now, my radiation treatments. 

Strangers lifting me up . . . sometimes, carrying me.

Some of you, who have known me for years maybe aren't writing *anything* right now.  You read.  You don't know what to say.  You feel inadequate.  You feel scared for me because you aren't sure whether I will live or die.  A few of you have even written that you have a friend or family member who has died from cancer.  You feel like your hands and tongue are tied.  Some of you feel bad that you haven't written to me because I have prayed so hard for you or your family.

Please don't worry or think that I feel like you are letting me down.

I believe God places people in our lives at the right moment.  His perfect timing.  I believe he gives some of you the ability to speak the words HE wants spoken and some of you are led to prayer.  Some of you are strangers to me (until recently) and some of you have known me quite a while. 

There are some of you who have reached out to me for words of comfort and information to quell your own fears, because you have found out you have cancer.  God has put *me* in *your* life for this season and, possibly, as a lifetime friend.

GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are times when God leads us to pray for someone we don't know.  That has happened to me, here on Xanga.  The way I met some of you was at a time you were in the greatest need of prayers.  One friend was mugged while waiting in a parking lot in Las Vegas.  Before then, I didn't know her.  Some of you were in a car accident and needed healing prayers.  One of you had a brain problem and couldn't speak - but I prayed for you daily - a stranger . . . and, you are now a friend.

If I have prayed for you (and told you, so you *know* who you are), it is because God led me to contact you, or to pray without ceasing for you, or your circumstance, or your child, or your parent - friend - spouse . . .    My praying wasn't in my own strength, but my praying was in the strength of our Lord.

                                   
                     
I think the devil would love to make us feel guilty because we don't feel we've done enough or that we aren't a good enough support to someone in need.  Please don't let him take you there - God doesn't want us to condemn ourselves, nor anyone else. 

That's not what is in His Word.

Sometimes our prayers for each other should only be to guide a person in need back to Jesus.  HE is the one who can lift us up.  HE is the one who picks us up out of the rolling waves in a torrential storm.

I am thankful for her.

Please don't think you need to do more or that I expect more.  You are my friends.  You are who you are.  Some of us may never meet until heaven.  Some are placed in a person's life for a short season.  Don't worry.  Let God use you and DON'T let the devil put you on a guilt trip!!!!

Wootness everywhere!

 It's OCTOBER!!!!!

         
These leaves are from my table in the foyer.  They're fake - silk!  Our real leaves, in the yard, are still green . . . except for the neighbor next door.  Her tree is always the first to turn colors and, right now, it holds branches of fiery red leaves - just beautiful to see!!!!

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I spent 4 or 5 hours yesterday morning (into the early afternoon) filling out a social security application online.  Not only do they want to know who I've worked for in the past 15 years, but what amount of pay I received!!!  Talk about a stretch of a feeble mind that is already damaged by chemo!!!!!  Suffice it to say, at the end of the LONG period hunched over my desk, my upper back was aching!  Jesse came home (to take me to my appointment) and, not only was I not dressed, I hadn't even had a bath!  While I quickly bathed, he heated up a leftover chicken enchilada from last night's dinner!  Hooray for microwave ovens!!! . . . and husbands!!!!!

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Yesterday, after my radiation treatment, I needed to go to the chemo room so they could hang a bag of saline.  My blood pressure was 83/55 and my temperature was 96.2° - low, like in the ER and hospital a few weeks ago.  The nurse took my blood pressure 4 times and it didn't change.  My nurse/friend, Pam, mentioned I really needed the fluids because that is what causes low vital sign numbers.  I'm drinking as much as I can at home and *thought* I was doing fine. 

Last minute, Jesse reminded me I had to stay an hour for that saline IV and I grabbed my Bible before I walked out the door of our house.  I sat in one of their reclining chairs with my Bible to read, with one of their thermal blankets doubled up on top of me.  It's the first time that room has ever felt very, very cold to me. 

I read the 2nd half of the book of Daniel.  I read slowly enough so as to really absorb what was written.

            
              I wished I had my cozy bed with Chirper and my Bible to snuggle down with!

We were VERY late when we headed home and caught ALL of the worst of the 5:00pm traffic.  There was no "good way" to escape any of it.  The chemo room was late when they hooked up my IV and the IV takes an hour to empty; so, there was nothing we could have done about the lateness.  We were most worried about arriving home at 5:50pm because someone from church had said they were bringing dinner by at 5:30pm.  I mean, the *least* we could do is be there to receive it!!!!  It ended up, they were running a little late, too, and they came shortly after we arrived home.

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Jesse is really pleased with our new clock purchase.  I was afraid it was marked so cheaply because something was wrong with it.  But, it is working just fine and I'm pleased to have a one of a kind from Garden Ridge's shelves!

  
The second picture is washed out, but at least you can see how the clock is in proportion to the other things on the shelf.  I don't know what I'll do with the smaller, old anniversary clock that was there. I had it for many years.  It was a gift from someone I prefer to forget.  That clock always reminded me of that person and that's why I wanted to change it ASAP!  It pleases me that Jesse likes the new one so much!

                                      
                                     Here it is, close up, so the metal scroll work can be seen.

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We didn't have school yesterday.  It was a day of reading books to me (to prove they had studied their new words) and a Pretest in spelling, which I never got around to doing with the girls.  Pretests on Wednesday tell me which words they need to study the most before their Friday "real test" is given!  I guess I'll listen to their book reading and give the spell tests this morning and then get on with the lessons in math and language.  We still haven't started history, geography, or science; but, we started those books for this year at the end of the last school year, and we are ahead more than we need to be at this time . . . so, I'm not sweating it.  This weekend, I'm going to let them decorate the clear pockets that cover the front of their binders.  They'll have to make up a fall theme or something that has to do with October (without Halloween stuff - we don't do that).

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I had something weird (scary) happen to me yesterday.  I was in the car on my way to my appointment and looked down and suddenly noticed that my wedding ring wasn't on my finger!!!  Since I've lost those 20 pounds, it's been VERY loose.  I couldn't truthfully say I remembered it being on my finger yesterday morning, while I was working at my desk.  I knew it had to be at home, when I lost it, since I never go anywhere except for my treatments.  I came home and checked the trash, the laundry baskets, my huge purse . . . anywhere I could think of where I might have grabbed something and my ring slid off. 

Luci was the one who found it.  It was on the bathroom counter top by my chart of medications I keep and write down.  I guess I slipped the ink pen off the chart and my ring slid off at the same time and fell on a doily my grandmother made, which I keep under a pewter dish on my sink's counter top.  I even had looked down the tub's drain hole!!!!  It's nothing expensive - a 4-6mm heavy gold band, but I love its simplicity.  I quit wearing the fancy diamonds years ago and really like this simple style.  I was VERY GLAD Luci found it!

Like I said, the other day, leave it to me to loose 20 pounds and the weight loss show up in my finger size!!!  My hips would have been a better place!!!!

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I should move on and make hot Cream of Wheat or Malt O Meal for my hungry crew.  We are missing the storms (they are east of us) today and, later this afternoon, the warm temps will be hit by a wind shift making things cool off.  It's extremely muggy outside this morning!

Be Blessed  ~