October 8, 2009

• Remembering Daddy

  I wasn't able to reach my mom yesterday.  Lots was going on there (I'm sure) and none of my sisters answered their home or cell phones.  I tried calling until it was my bed time and finally left a message at 10:30pm for Mom.

  I talked with Mom briefly this morning and then my youngest sister, Nancy.  She filled me in on what was going on.  Our family doesn't have funerals, and this time it won't be any different.  There will be a memorial service and Nancy said they think the middle of November is the most likely date.  I won't be able to attend that either (4 weeks won't make that much difference in my energy level) and so I will have to face my feelings and desires again a month from now.  It so hard . . . not being there.

                                             
                               This photo was taken several years ago, a good picture of my dad. 
                                                          "Beautiful blue, kind eyes"
                                             (a quote from my oldest daughter, Stephanie)
                                                That's how she remembers her grandpa.

  He *was* kind.  He was sympathetic.  He was understanding.  And, he gave *good* hugs!  Sometimes a hug, and no words, were exactly what I needed.  The twinkle in his beautiful, blue eyes was just gorgeous - so full of life!

  He was the right type of father figure, the kind I needed, when my biological parent's home was falling apart.

  When I got married, he proudly walked me down the aisle.  When that marriage crumbled, he and Mom encouraged me to move home - to California.  To protection.  To a "daddy" to care about me.  But, I stayed in Oklahoma. 

  When Jesse went with me to California to meet my family (months before marrying me), my dad did the best he could to make him feel welcome in our family and to get to know Jesse.  Daddy leaned over to me and said in my ear, "I like him, Cher' - I like him a lot!"  His approval was wonderful to hear!  Then came the time when Jesse called Daddy to ask if it was okay to marry me!  I was (ummmmm) 40 something!  My dad KNEW the phone call was coming and was prepared to tell Jesse, "I would be honored to have you as a son-in-law!"
  
  We all have to lose our parents someday.  My biological parents died many years ago.  I was grateful to have a second set of parents that were very real to me, and I never differentiated between my "biological dad" or my "daddy," unless it was to clarify which one was I was talking about.

  He's been a bit "slowed down" for this past year and we didn't get to talk as much.  Conversations over the phone were very brief.  Of course, it would have been nicer to live close and steal an occasionally hug or that famous glinting blue-eyed smile from him.  But, I live here.  I'm not able to travel right now.  Those are the cold hard facts.  As Nancy, said, no one does well in our family with the answer "no" - and I told her I preferred to describe us all as "overachievers" and not defiant! 

  Daddy never made me feel defiant.  I'm sure he shook his head at my crazy antics more than once.  I won't go into the time I ran into the garage wall & hot water tank with my 1962 Falcon Squire station wagon and set things ablaze, and how every fire truck and police car available came with sirens & lights (full force), trekking their way up the hill to our house  . . .  That's another story for another time!  HOWEVER, my youngest brother, Rich, delighted in bringing up that story last week in Daddy's room, these last days of his life.  Everyone laughed (I WAS SO DUMB, back then!!!!!) and my sister, Penelope, said I was definitely made a part of the family in memory during my dad's final days. 

  He got to come home before he died.  It was only for a little more than a day - but he was home and knew it.

  It will be hard to call home and not talk with him.  It will be hard to not ask Mom about Daddy.  Hard, hard, hard.  I will try to remember all of the memories and stories he and I shared.  And, I will forever be grateful that I had a "dad parent" with me well into my 50's.

  I realize I've been blessed to have him be a part of my life and have some of his influence make me, in part, what I am today. 

  I will miss him so, very much! 

  There's no doubt about it.

  Be Blessed  ~

  • 5:07 pm
  • 9 Comments