October 2, 2009

• My Dad and Prayers

  I received sad news, Wednesday.  The news became more sad yesterday evening.  My dad suffered another stroke.  This one is the most serious of all the strokes he has experienced.  He is not expected to recover.  He is paralyzed on one side of his body and unable to speak.  He also suffers from dementia and is confused about where he is and why he can't speak.  The family has decided to bring him home with the help of Hospice, ASAP.  My sister said they were told he could live 3 days or 3 weeks - no one knows for sure.

  Not only is it sad for me to lose my dad, but this is a special dad to me.  He isn't my biological father - he is a father who accepted me as a "foster daughter" (so-to-speak) when my biological family was falling apart in my teen years.  He and his family were there in a "Mom, Dad, Sibling role," when I had no one else.  He has been my example of a stable, loving man and father.  It is hard to say good bye.

                                  

  I know God is with me and is here to comfort me - but it isn't easy.

  The hardest part?  I can't be there.  I can't go to say good-bye or kiss him one more time.  I can't even go to the funeral.  He is miles away from me (me in Oklahoma and him near Tahoe, CA) and I am not able to travel. 

  I can't stop radiation treatments and I can't take the chance of flying in a plane (a closed area with lots of germs).  Driving is a long trip (especially with the 3 girls) and my health is just not able to withstand the travels.  How frustrating! 

  Several years ago I told my dad how much he meant to me - in case the day would ever come when I lost him suddenly and wished I had told him what was in my heart.  There is nothing more to say, not to him.  BUT . . .  I am very angry with the cancer.  It has robbed me of so many things.  When I thought nothing else could be taken away from me, I find myself HERE and not able to go THERE and be with "Daddy" and family.

  Please pray for my family who is there and being a support to each other.  And, pray for my heart - which breaks being so far away from everyone.

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  SPEAKING OF PRAYERS . . . .

  I want to talk about something that many of you may feel, right now.  So many of you are new Xanga friends and people I didn't meet until I was diagnosed with cancer.  You have shared my news, my battle, my GOOD report of healing, and, now, my radiation treatments. 

  Strangers lifting me up . . . sometimes, carrying me.

                                         

  Some of you, who have known me for years maybe aren't writing *anything* right now.  You read.  You don't know what to say.  You feel inadequate.  You feel scared for me because you aren't sure whether I will live or die.  A few of you have even written that you have a friend or family member who has died from cancer.  You feel like your hands and tongue are tied.  Some of you feel bad that you haven't written to me because I have prayed so hard for you or your family.

  Please don't worry or think that I feel like you are letting me down.

  I believe God places people in our lives at the right moment.  His perfect timing.  I believe he gives some of you the ability to speak the words HE wants spoken and some of you are led to prayer.  Some of you are strangers to me (until recently) and some of you have known me quite a while. 

  There are some of you who have reached out to me for words of comfort and information to quell your own fears, because you have found out you have cancer.  God has put *me* in *your* life for this season and, possibly, as a lifetime friend.

  GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            

  There are times when God leads us to pray for someone we don't know.  That has happened to me, here on Xanga.  The way I met some of you was at a time you were in the greatest need of prayers.  One friend was mugged while waiting in a parking lot in Las Vegas.  Before then, I didn't know her.  Some of you were in a car accident and needed healing prayers.  One of you had a brain problem and couldn't speak - but I prayed for you daily - a stranger . . . and, you are now a friend.

  If I have prayed for you (and told you, so you *know* who you are), it is because God led me to contact you, or to pray without ceasing for you, or your circumstance, or your child, or your parent - friend - spouse . . .    My praying wasn't in my own strength, but my praying was in the strength of our Lord.

                                     
                       
  I think the devil would love to make us feel guilty because we don't feel we've done enough or that we aren't a good enough support to someone in need.  Please don't let him take you there - God doesn't want us to condemn ourselves, nor anyone else. 

  That's not what is in His Word.

                                    

  Sometimes our prayers for each other should only be to guide a person in need back to Jesus.  HE is the one who can lift us up.  HE is the one who picks us up out of the rolling waves in a torrential storm.

        
  
  Last night, I was in my bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed, and sniffling because of the circumstances surrounding my daddy and the fact I am stuck here.  Someone from church came with dinner.  For some reason, I thought she was coming next week (there's "chemo brain" for you!!!!); but, she showed up with food after 6:30pm.  Late?  Not at all.  Perfectly on time - regarding God's time table.  She ministered to me about my dad.  She told me she had discovered SHE had breast cancer in January.  We commiserated with each other and she brought the comfort I needed about my Daddy at the perfect time I needed it.

  God's never early and never late.  He is perfectly on time and knows our needs and loves us enough to meet those needs - sometimes through a stranger. 
  
   
  What I say is from the bottom of my heart.  God has brought a stranger to my door and my phone.  She is a lady who went through cancer a few years ago.  Someone was there to encourage her.  She prayed that she could do the same for someone else - someday.  Then she heard about me.  As of this day, I have never met Yvonne.  She sends cards and notes.  She drops by, rings my bell, runs to her car, and I find a surprise on my door mat.  She calls every time I need encouragement the most.  She is that person being led by God to pray, say, and do the right thing at the right time.

  I am thankful for her.

                   
  And, I give thanks to each one of you - whether you read or post comments or send private messages.  I expect nothing from you and I am grateful and thankful for everything you say, pray, or do for me.

  Please don't think you need to do more or that I expect more.  You are my friends.  You are who you are.  Some of us may never meet until heaven.  Some are placed in a person's life for a short season.  Don't worry.  Let God use you and DON'T let the devil put you on a guilt trip!!!!

  Be Blessed  ~
  

  P.S.  Posting without proof reading!

  • 12:21 pm
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