However, I can't find anyone who has results from my two tests done last Thursday.  Maybe I'll hear from someone tomorrow.  If not, surely I'll hear something when I go back to the oncologist on Thursday morning. 

Another test of my faith!

VERY frustrating and SOOO not easy to do!

I will share details soon (I hope).

Be Blessed  ~

The storms started in the middle of the night and really haven't stopped, except for brief spurts of dry sky.  We lost power for a short while and woke up to all of the clocks blinking at us.    Even though Jesse can't work, I'm happy for the rain, as we definitely need it.  It will prolong the lawn care season, because grass and bushes will continue to grow until it's too cold.

HOWEVER . . . Sushi has refused to go outside to do her business!    Oh, oh!  I even walked out into the grass but she refused, staying on the cement patio and watching me from a distance, like I had lost my mind!!!  We've been watching her very carefully!

I've bathed and gotten dressed and am ready to go to the surgeon.  It's only noon and the appointment isn't until 2:30pm.  That's where I should get the results of my CT scan and thoracic MRI.  The thoracic MRI report was the one that was the most accurate back in April (maybe March??).  Despite the good report from the breast MRI, I'm waiting for these next two.  I don't feel very patient, right now!    I've learned patience; but, apparently, not in every situation!

That's it from here.  Annamarie seems to be feeling a little better today.  She ate a normal breakfast.  I haven't asked how her throat feels.  Sometimes she isn't very accurate and I prefer to watch her eating habits to observe how *I* think her throat is doing.  Does that make sense? 

I'll write more after I know more.  (Oh please, God, let them have the results from my other two tests!!!) 

Be Blessed  ~

I'm waiting for the two reports from my CT scan and thoracic MRI to come in.  I don't know if I'll have the results today or have to WAIT until my appointment with the surgeon tomorrow afternoon.  I see the surgeon tomorrow at 2:30pm.  Jesse will go with me.

Then . . . I wait again until Thursday.

Thursday morning JoAnn, Aolani, and Abreeana leave to go home to Tacoma, WA.  I'll sure miss JoAnn and all of her help.  She's been unbelievable - what she has done for me and the comfort she has brought to me.  My oncologist appointment is that same day JoAnn leaves.

I guess by Friday, I'll have all the information I need and will be asked to make a decision about what to do next.  It's always been planned to have surgery and then radiation . . . both looming in my future.  No one has known what kind (or how much) of either treatment.

                          
                                                                     So, I wait . . .

I'm anxious to start homeschooling again.  I think the girls are  getting restless and need the routine of school and their chores.  I am really hopeful the ChorePacks will have been a good investment and will keep me from having to ask them to do certain things (repeatedly) day after day.   They should be able to look at the little plastic holders clipped to their clothes (with chores listed on cards inserted in the plastic holders) and (ultimately) not need me at all to remind them of every little thing.  We'll see!

Annamarie has had a sore throat and upset stomach.  I think her stomach is getting better, but she is still complaining of her throat hurting.  I've had her on a liquid, then bland food, diet.  I'm sure she is tired of Sprite, ginger ale, saltines and toast!  I'm having to stay as far away from her as I can.  I'm still not out of the woods as far as my resistance being built up against illnesses.  Jesse said Annamarie woke him up several times last night to tell him she couldn't fall back asleep.  He wasn't a happy camper.  There was nothing we could do for her, and she has been told MANY times not to wake us up just because she couldn't sleep.  He is working in the heat without enough sleep under his belt today.

I continue to do small tasks.  I made (from scratch) blueberry muffins for breakfast and will work on assigning chores as the ChorePack book recommends.  I've read a bit from my books.  I finished one and started on the sequel last night.  I try to lay down throughout the day in bits and pieces to give myself a rest.  Jesse cooked out last night and I only had to cut tomatoes, onions, and shred some lettuce.  We had fajita chicken and beef meat on tortillas.  The girls and Jesse cleaned up the paper plate meal.

     
Everyone, except for me, is very, very tan and dark.  If the colors in the bedspread, on their clothing, and on the wall weren't true to life colors, I'd think my children were all too dark and my camera was needing adjusting!

Be Blessed  ~

Despite how the rugs on the carpet look, that actually is evidence of a foyer swept with a broom by Annamarie and wet mopped by Luci.  I sprayed the Clorox spray cleaner and she used the wet rag mop with my instructions prodding her onward.  No more jobs done half right by children and the job finished by Mom.  I simply can't do it.

The chairs by the kitchen bar were moved so Rissy could do the kitchen cooking area tile.  Again, swept with a broom by Annamarie (she had to be called back twice to do it right) and me spraying Clorox spray with Rissy (this time) wet mopping the floor.  That is Chirper inspecting WHY the chairs have been moved!  Our pets are always in the middle of everything, around here!

AND . . . proof that mopping was actually done this morning at our house.  A filthy mop hanging from the sink and waiting to do its work in the kitchen table area!  The spots on the front of the cabinets have been removed after I saw them in this picture.  Isn't it amazing what shows up in a photograph that can't be seen with the normal, naked, inspecting eye???!!!

I heard back from one of my tests yesterday - the breast MRI done by the "rude" ladies.  It was a good report. Now I am awaiting the two reports from the CT and MRI at the hospital.  Maybe Monday?

 
JoAnn brought these home last night after shopping alone.  She just needed to walk around and get out of the house a bit!  She had spent all day at the water park with 92 million children.

My job today is to arrange the flowers.  She got home rather late and I was startled when I moved my book to see her standing by my bedside with several bouquets of lovely flowers.  I took them to the kitchen, cut the bottoms of the stems, and placed them in water over night.  I'll do the proper arranging and plant food today.

I used to have cut flowers in my house all the time - when I worked outside the home and the higher income allowed it in the budget.  God has blessed me with people who have bought flowers almost every week since my cancer diagnosis.  I do truly love fresh flowers and especially carnations or mums, because I can make them last two weeks or longer.

I'm almost finished with my ChorePack book and ready to start getting it pulled together so we are somewhat organized with a chore plan after JoAnn leaves next Thursday.  Big sigh!  It will be hard without her help, but I am praying my new chore plan method helps us get the most important cleaning done each day.  Too bad the pets can't pitch in . . . that would be four extra helpers!

I've been craving vegetables and fruits and can hardly tolerate meat, right now.  I'm wondering if its my body's way of telling me what it needs, and maybe, I should go with my dietary whims.  If you had told me, any time in my life up to this point, that a time would come when I would not want meat, I would have told you you were crazy!  I'm a big meat eater; but, not lately!  JoAnn and I were talking, this morning, about a stir fry chicken breast and veggies over angel hair pasta sounding good for tonight's dinner.  I don't have any cans of water chestnuts, etc., but those things could all be easily purchased by JoAnn when she goes out later today.

Seeing that I've had dry cereal and a peach and its 12:30pm - the thought of stir fry is making me VERY hungry!

Be Blessed  ~

Thursday was a long day.  I got to the hospital a little before 8:30am and didn't leave until noon.  The CT scan and drinking 2 bottles of barium went by without incident.  I'm not sure what the delay was with the MRI people.  The couldn't let me use headphones, but offered to blast my CD (a pastor reading Sciptures) over the room's speakers.  But, then, they put ear plugs in me and that made the Bible Scriptures almost impossible to hear.  When the MRI machine stopped its loud banging, I WAS able to hear some of the most important (to me) Scriptures being read - which was a good thing! 

When the girl started to put the dye in my IV, it burned REALLY bad.  She wanted to start a new IV but I told her how hard it was to find a vein and that I had needed the "special nurse" to come get the IV in me.  They had tried for 30 minutes without success.  So, I told her I'd tough out the burn - which it did. It felt like she was cutting my arm open with a scalpel . . . VERY PAINFUL!  And, the poor girl felt horrible for causing me any pain at all.

I should have been done sooner, but the MRI girl asked if she could run a second set of tests (pictures?  images?) again.  I told her to go ahead.  Jesse said I was in the machine for over an hour.  I don't know if my scans looked worse or if they had a problem capturing the images; OR, if there was no tumor and they ran it again to be sure.  I guess I'll find out next week when I go to the surgeon on Tuesday.

After I got dressed, the MRI gal took out my IV from my hand (which hurt from the minute the "special nurse" put it in, for some strange reason) and she gave me a cotton ball to press on the former hole.  We walked down the hall toward the main entrance and I noticed, besides my arm hurting a lot, I was bleeding profusely.  We turned around, went back, and told/showed the receptionist the saturated cotton ball.  She immediately called the gal from the back saying, "Your patient that just left is bleeding out!"  I murmured I was exactly "bleeding out" but was "bleeding profusely"from the IV site.  The doors opened and my MRI gal said, "Oh my gosh!  Let's get you back here!"  We went with her and she gave me a new "bandage" with pressure wrap tape.

=================

Today's breast MRI experience was less than pleasant.  They didn't allow me to get comfortable before starting the MRI test.  I told them I was hanging from the table on a rib bone and needed to move before the test started, my hair was hanging in my mouth and face (yet I wasn't supposed to move my hands), and my face wasn't fitting in the little face hole properly. 

Their response? 

The test wasn't supposed to be comfortable.  I told them I had problems with severe upper back spasms and asked to have my arms down at my sides (like I did the last time I was there) and they insisted I have my arms above my head (while lying on my stomach).  Then, they almost pulled my wig off trying to get my hair out of my mouth until I said (a little on edge and cuttingly) "Hey!  You're pulling my wig off!!!" to which they apologized.  Then I mentioned my face again and the fact I felt like something was pulling on my IV line.  They told me my face was fine and, "Quit wiggling so much!  You've almost pulled out your IV!"  Like I said, the test hadn't started AND I was aware my IV was caught on something and I was NOT comfortable.

I finally gave up and just put my face down and told them to hurry.  My ribs naturally hurt with that molded plastic cutting up into my bone and the whole time my face wasn't centered properly.  The table's hole went "through" my open mouth, did not rest on my chin BELOW my mouth.  I was so afraid of knocking my teeth out!  I didn't swallow or move a little pinkie finger the whole time.  I wanted the test to be over with - ASAP!!!

When it was over, my upper arms down to my finger tips were dead to touch and were tingling.  I mentioned that fact to the two ladies and they blew off my comment and said that was because my arms had been over my head and they would be taking out my IV.  If you've ever had an IV, you know when they pull it out, it stings.  I could feel nothing, nor them putting on the cotton ball and pressure wrap because I was literally numb up to my shoulders. 

They told me to sit up and swing my legs to the right side of the table.  I brought my arms down and propped myself up on my elbows to start the blood flowing again and to get feeling back in my arms.  They pressured me to sit up right away.  Again, I snapped a bit and said I was dizzy and numb.  I finally sat up and the room spun.  No one was there to help me up - the two ladies were on the other side of the room talking.  I sat there a minute and they told me to get down - AGAIN!!!  I told them I wasn't going anywhere until my dizziness stopped and I could feel my limbs again.  My back, between my shoulder blades, felt like it was on fire - the pain in those muscles was enormous.

Finally, I eased myself down to the step stool (ALL ALONE!) and held onto the MRI machine with my right hand and went around the wall using my right hand to steady me until I got to the table holding my key to my locker where my clothes were kept.  At that point, they looked at me and saw the indentation of the machine's face hole.  It went around my face and stopped directly at the corners of my mouth and it was obvious the table was IN my mouth, and not below it on my chin, the whole time I was on my stomach having the scan run.  I was weaving while I walked to my room and they said, "Are you okay?" 

To which I said, "NO!  I'm dizzy and this hurt my shoulder blades!  The cancer has eaten out several of my vertebrae and I have back spasms.  I wasn't kidding you!"  They looked at each other and bolted over to me as I walked back to the dressing room. 

If I hadn't been to this place before and KNOWN how nice they treat you, I wouldn't have been so ticked off.  I got dressed SLOWLY (in my timing), brushed my hair, and THEN left the room to find Stephanie.  I'm still aching and will probably have to lie on a heating pad for the rest of the day to get rid of the spasms.

Enough about me.

================

JoAnn has taken the girls to a water park, today.  She is meeting Aolani and her dad & his family - Aolani's "step-family," I guess.  It should be a fun day.  The girls sure had a lot of fun the other day at the public pool with its slides and fountains, etc.

Abreeana came home exhausted the last time.  JoAnn found her sound asleep on her bed and called me to come look at her.  I HAD to take pictures.

But, wait a minute!  What's she holding onto?  I got closer to inspect.
                      

What in the world does she have in her hand???!!!

A CHICKEN NUGGET!!!!!!!!!!!

Too cute!

Be Blessed  ~

Stephanie came over and sat with me.  People still don't think I should be alone - although I feel able to be alone, as long as I don't over do things or try something stupid while I'm home by myself.

I think I can take care of me.  I don't think I'll kill myself!  So far, I haven't killed the house plants I got for gifts when my chemo ended!  And that's TRULY amazing!
                       
                        This is the ivy our friend James gave me.

  
This is one plant I *almost* lost!  Lots of delicate little plants in 4 separate pots inside the basket!

I ordered some new games for the girls.  Educational games.  The Ten Commandments game was given to Luci as a birthday present, but, it takes all of us to play it!  Anyway, these 3 games will be incorporated into our home school curriculum this year.  How fun!  Games in school, what a fun school to be in!!!
  

JoAnn had made that cute picture for Luci's birthday that I posted last week, but she also made one for Annamarie and Rissy.  Luci's & Annamarie's pictures will take care of the "decorating problem" I was having with one wall in their bedroom.
  

And, we have a perfect wall in Rissy's room for her picture.
                                 
I just need to get with it and hang them!

I go for my scans really early tomorrow, so I don't know if I will take time to post anything.  And on Friday . . . REALLY EARLY . . . I have another MRI and that will be it until my doctor appointments next week (surgeon & oncologist).

So, I have spent the day just hanging out on the sofa.  I did Annamarie's laundry earlier and put the whites in a little bit ago.  A little late to be doing laundry on a hot day, but I wanted to finish.  I didn't stay on top of it, so it took me longer than usual.

I've enjoyed Sushi (very comical around Stephanie) and little Chirper just plain woke up in a sweet mood.  He has been "playing" with Tango (our cockatiel) and she's been whistling for him and making kissing noises to call him over as she chirps "Come here!  Come here!"

I took Tango out of the cage for a bit to smooth out her top feathers and took this picture of her in my hand.
         

Despite how it looks, I wasn't squishing her!!!! I promise!  It's pretty blurry, but she survived!

Be Blessed  ~

To say I'm disappointed in my progress would be an understatement.  After ending chemo, I had expected to feel better this 3rd week, and maybe I will at the END of the 3rd week.  It will be a busy week with appointments for me.  Today the saline IV, Thursday the CAT & MRI scans at the hospital, and Friday is my breast MRI - PLUS the girls have their usual Friday afternoon therapy appointment. 

I know I've talked a lot recently about not feeling well and trips I've made for saline infusion, a trip to the E.R., and calls to my doctors.  Despite all of the lack of progress, I am patiently enduring.

Things are tense in our house.  The children.  My husband.  JoAnn.  This has been a long haul for everyone who has been around me - but, it feels like eons (that have been passing excruciatingly slow) to me.  I'm the one who lives with these symptoms day and night.  BUT, God is with me and I have never sensed Him slipping away or too busy for me and my needs or feelings.

There have been days (weeks) where I was too weak to pray.  If I did, it was under my breath or to myself in my head (and heart).  I'm grateful for prayer warriors who have continued their prayers on my behalf.  There have been times like Moses had when two men had to help hold up Moses' arms because he could not by his own strength.

Because I have been physically uncomfortable doesn't mean my faith has been shaken.  It doesn't mean that I have doubt that God will heal me of my affliction and I have certainly not stopped asking and believing. 

I think when the devil works the hardest is when we are at our weakest moments.  Although my body is weak and has taken a beating from chemo (and then an infection), it would seem logical the devil would step up to the plate and bid me a hateful hello.    . . .  Whatever! . . .

My faith is not budging and I keep my eyes fixed on being healed and pulling through.  Some trials don't go away quickly and those are the times we are called to be patient, immovable, unshakable in our faith.  Those are the times when we walk out our faith and act like we are what God says about us - healed, whole, and His.

I praise God for the peace I have and I praise Him for not making me go through this alone.  His promise to never leave or forsake us is evident in my life and this journey.  I'm willing to endure and remain patient for the desired end.  My eyes are fixed on feeling better.  Feeling better in HIS time.  And at that time, I believe I will have a powerful testimony.  Some say I have a powerful testimony right now. 

Thank you ALL for your encouragement and kind words when I feel weak and beaten down.  I am beaten down in my body, but not in my spirit.  I continue to have a spirit full of hope & failth.

Anyhoo . . . I just got a call from the chemo place and they said I could come in earlier if I want, because they've had several cancellations.  Probably due to the fact we are  having lots of thunderstorms this morning.  If I had already had my bath and was dressed (and if the chidlren were all fed and dressed), I'd leave right now.  But, alas, we are morning sluggards and don't function well in the early hours of the day - none of us!

I think we have all adjusted to the loss of Sampson.  It was the right thing to do and we all knew it, but it was hard to make that decision.  Jesse's closet floor is empty and I'm sure if feels weird to him not having to step over Sampson sleeping on his blanket.  But, life moves on.

I hope everyone has a deliciously productive and happy day.

Be Blessed  ~

He started out as Nikki's dog and Rissy adopted him when Nikki moved to Colorado.  But, he was a family dog and didn't really belong to just one person.  Even our cats, Stormy and Chirper, like him.  After our other cat, Jesseboy, was put to sleep last year, Sampson grieved the loss of him.  We're close - the pets and humans, that is.

I don't deal with saying good bye very well, so I immediately cleaned the closet of his blanket and washed and put up his food and water bowls  The less I see to remind me, the better off I can cope.

================
CHANGE OF SUBJECT . . .

While I was in the chemo room receiving saline IV, the doctor wrote me another prescription for my stomach problems.  Something that is for ulcers (how mine feels, whether I actually *have* an ulcer or not) and it's to be taken before each meal and at bed time.  I DO hope it works.

I'm cleaning my desk this morning.  I keep trying to do little things to keep me occupied without sapping all of my strength.  I do things that will get me back in the swing of managing my own house, again.

Can't think of much else going on or much to write about.  I need to get past losing Sampson and I'll be okay, again.

    
                                      We figured Sampson to be around 18 years old.
                                     The vet said he didn't normally see dogs that old,
                                         so, I know he lived a long and good life
                                                and was well cared for by us.

Be Blessed  ~

I did a few things around the house yesterday - loaded and ran the dishwasher and washed the big things by hand, cleaned the kitchen sink with Comet, cleaned up the den's floor (birthday party "droppings"), and played a new board game Luci got for her birthday - a 10 Commandment game - with my 3 girls.  It was fun.  When it was time for my bath, last night, I cleaned out the tub with some Comet.  I'm doing okay with those kinds of chores and breathers (rest) in between. 

We need to put our dog Sampson to sleep.  It was supposed to happen yesterday, but due to circumstances, it didn't.  Then we thought of doing it today, but it may be too much to squeeze in this morning.  So.....  it will be soon.  He's passing small amounts of blood and vomiting small amounts of blood and stays in his bed area a lot.  OR, he wanders around the house (and then has accidents).  I think he's worn out and old.  Nikki was 4 or 5 when she got him and she'll be 23yo in October.  He's VERY old. 

So that's the agenda for today.  Me to get fluids, the girls to their therapy session, and then back home.  Jesse will have to work all weekend.  He and a friend are installing a new fence for a customer of Jesse's.  VERRR-RRRRRRY interesting! 

Be Blessed  ~

Luci's cake turned out just as cute as it could be.  I had ordered a "Tinkerbell" cake, several years ago, for JanaLyn's birthday and the plastic Tinkerbell looked like an evil witch.  Not so with Luci's cake.  VERY CUTE!

The dinner turned out well, and I COULD TASTE some of my food.  It's been 4 weeks since I lost ALL of my taste buds, so this was an unexpected thrill for me!  Jesse's charcoaled chicken breasts were moist and tasty, and I made a creamy chipotle sauce for the adult's chicken.  My potato salad was exceptionally good (a miracle since I was missing several of the usual ingredients from my pantry) and JoAnn made a pasta salad.  The green beans were seasoned to Luci's specificiations.  I bought Neopolitan ice cream, to satisfy everyone, and the marble cake was as delicious as it looked.

Luci has no problem posing for the camera!
   

Some of the spectators and guests!
 

Luci loves the "idea" of receiving gifts and gets so worked up and excited.  When the time to unwrap her things arrives, she turns ecstatic and is full of smiles.
  

She had seen a "computer" toy and wanted it AFTER I had finished my shopping for her.  I had to tell her, "Sorry, I've already bought your gifts."  She was so disappointed, but said nothing.  Her Uncle James and Ms. Babcock (in Tacoma) came through for her.  She was tickled pink when she opened up her reading and math "computer" toy and squealed with delight.
                           

Her Auntie JoJo bought her a gumball machine (another request she had made) and her little feet, literally, ran frantically in place when she pulled out the gift, because her excitement went clear to her toes!  Too bad we didn't have a video of that one - it could have easily made "America's Funniest Videos" show!!!

Auntie JoJo was pleased that Luci was so excited about the gumball machine, and Luci thanked her profusely!!!
                       

Sushi was less excited!
                        

You can see how her enthusiasm and bear hugs make the recipients of the hugs smile, too.
                      

After the unveiling of the gifts, it was time for cake & ice cream and the birthday songs.  No "songs" isn't a typo.  We have the "family" birthday song we sing and then the traditional "Happy Birthday To You" song. 

I think the set up of dessert plates & utensils, getting out the ice cream, lighting of the candles on the cake, etc. must feel like "years" when you are still a child.
 
  
But she perservered and patiently waited for the candles to be lit and the songs to be sung.  Then it took her 3 tries to blow out all of the candles.  Seven to mark her seventh birthday and one to grow on.
          

The guests were less patient than Luci.

Check out Rissy's tongue in the second picture!

The swimming party idea was a bust.  There was enough lightening, that the lifeguard at the public pool had to tell everyone to get out of the pool and wait 20 minutes.  They would no more get in the pool and the lightening would happen again and they were asked to get out of the pool again.  Finally, they closed the pool and issued everyone a rain check . . . thus the original reason the phrase "rain check" came to be!

They came home and hopped in our 3 little pools, but the lightening came again .. . BIG sigh . . .  So, they changed into clothes and went out in the yard in between threatening weather and tried their hands at badminton and horse shoes.

Later, Luci said she had a terrific party and thanked me for everything, while I was on a heating pad, in bed, trying to ease my back pain.

Stephanie took JanaLyn home around 9pm and we tried to get the little ones unwound before their bedtime.  A successful party and a grateful Mom, here, that God gave me the strength to pull things off to benefit Luci.

Tomorrow morning, I will go back to the chemo lab for another IV of saline.  Hopefully, this will be the last time, because my energy should start rebounding without any more chemo blasts.

Be Blessed  ~