Month: June 2009

  • No Pictures Today

    Didn't use my camera yesterday.  Also felt pretty bad all day.  Sleep deprivation AND many chemo symptoms. 

    I DID sleep well, last night, despite being awakened several times.  One time, I woke up because a clap of thunder was so loud it sounded like it split the house in two.

    I feel better, due to more sleep last night, but not much like writing.  Nothing to tell. 

    Yesterday was one of those days where I wanted "my Mommmmmmy" - but, I toughed it out despite having no Mommy!

    I'll be back tomorrow with better news or something more interesting to say!

    Be Blessed  ~

  • The Longest Night of My WHOLE Life!

    Short of labor, almost 31 years ago, last night was the longest night of my whole life!!!  I haven't slept well the past few nights (a common side effect after all the heavy, duty chemo) and was feeling quite sleepy yesterday evening.  My eyes even burned because I was so sleepy.  I was sure I'd be able to fall asleep at 8:45pm and went back to bed. 

    9 o'clock, 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 12 midnight, 1 o'clock, (I got up and took a sleeping pill - Ambien) and got back in bed to wait.  I prayed for myself.  I prayed for many of you that read my blog.  I prayed for others.  I waited.  I put on my headphones and listened to a full CD of "Quiet Beauty" by James Todd, and STILL I didn't fall asleep.  So, I waited some more. 

                                          
                                                     Marie brought me three pretty roses yesterday morning.

    2 o'clock arrived and so did unbelievable hunger!  2:10am I got up, as I was beginning to see lightning, which made me curious, AND, I was no longer able to resist the urge for a fat peanut butter and jelly sandwich! 

    Never (and I mean NEVER), in all my years, have I EVER (not once!) gotten up to eat in the middle of the night except for a few crackers on an unsettled stomach.  I guess there's a first time for everything!!!  I *did* EAT last night.  Unfortunately, I woke up Jesse.  I felt bad, but was on a mission.  I had an incredible urge to make the biggest sandwich my white bread could hold!  I don't know that I didn't swallow it in 3 or 4 bites.  It was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'd ever had in my whole life!

      
                   Evidence of a middle of the night snack - peanut butter, a knife, and the jelly spoon!

    I went back to bed with a Compazine, thinking it would make me sleepy.  It (or something) finally did and it was near 3am when I fell asleep.  Not an easy task.  I had also awoken Chirper, whose little whiskers were right in my face, trying to smell the peanut butter on my breath, as I pushed him away and tried to fall asleep!  He finally settled down .  . .  and, so did I.

    I so dislike insomnia.  It's with me on a good night, but last night it was a miserable thing to endure, because I was already sleep deprived.  As the drugs leave my body, the sleeplessness will turn itself around - AND, they tell me this was the last time I would have to take the Decadron that makes me so hyper.  The next drug won't require Decadron to abate side effects of the chemo.  HOORAY FOR THAT!

    I woke up early this morning (7 something) when I heard Jesse turning his deodorant stick.  It sounded much louder than it was, but I don't think I was sleeping that hard when I DID sleep.  I woke up again around 8:20am and he told me he HAD to leave.  I got up.

    I am struggling to wake up with lots of coffee.  I sure wish I was able to nap during the day more easily.  It just doesn't happen for me very often.
                               

    The night before, we ate a little early,  thanks to a church friend, Lisa, who brought two deliciously, smoked chickens and some potatoes & green beans.  She all but begged me to let her help me with ANYTHING.  I thought about her offer to help last night, while I tossed and turned.    Her words were so sincere and really gave me something to think about, as she explained to me that helping me helped *her* to be a servant of God's.  SO TRUE!!!!  Several times she said, "PLEASE, call me for anything . . . ANYTHING!!!   I'll even read to you, if you want me to read a book.  ANYTHING!"  Such a servants heart!  I'm used to *serving* and thought I'd gotten better at *receiving,* but it's still so hard.

    Right before dinner, Jesse took a shower, got the food ready for dinner, and on the table.  He gave me the signal at the dinner table "Spring Fling" would happen after the dishes were cleaned.  And it did.

    He had taken the 3 gift bags from my closet and put them in the den - so tempting!!!! - and when the girls inquired about the gifts, Jesse told them we were having company.  He further explained (lied????!!!!!), the people had three children and the gifts were for their children.  My children, knowing we give things to people all the time, never batted an eye.  They only asked if they knew the children and dh's affirmative response was, "Yes!  You know them very well!" 

    No further questions, but many looks among themselves as to WHICH 3 children might be coming!  It was SO VERY perfect!  Jesse is more creative than I when it comes to generating excitement and anticipation .  I just wrap the stuff, plan the party or event, and worry about minor details to the "enth" degree!

         
      
    Chirper began to examine the packages again and Sushi & Stormy were seen prowling around a package or two!  Everyone (pet wise) loves tissue paper!!!

    Finally, Jesse brought my camera to me in the den and asked the girls to go out on the front porch.  Such obedient girls, they did as they were asked! 

    Through the door, he hollered, "Knock on the door.  Ring the door bell."  They did that, too! 

    He opened the door and said, "Well hellll-oooo!  What a surprise!  Please come in!!!!  Make yourselves comfortable in the den!" 

    And, curiously, they crept into the den with silly grins on their faces (still not sure what was going on!).

                                 
                        (Excuse the straggly girls - they'd played in the sprinkler and a mud hole all afternoon!!!)

    I asked them to have a seat, as we had a surprise for them.  Giggles abounded.
      
    Their Daddy came in & sat with them.  Then I broke the news, "HAPPY SPRING FLING, GIRLS!!!!!!"  Their eyes popped!  Jesse handed out the gifts and the unwrapping began!

      

                                            

    They were each pleased with their 4 new shirts and outside play stuff.  They each got bubbles, a bubble wand, a jump rope, 3D sidewalk chalk with 3D glasses, regular sidewalk chalk, and an inner tube for the pool.  I have a children's horseshoe set put aside in Jesse's closet that I forgot to pull out.  I kept it separate since there was only one set and I like everything in gift bags to be fair.

    They ran outside to try the 3D chalk and lots of "oohs and ahhhh's" were heard from the patio.  I was too weak to go outside to take pictures, but I could see the wand's gigantic bubbles floating past the den's window.  The bubble wand was a hit!
                                          
                                                 Remnants of the Day.  Wasn't that the name of a movie????

    Seeing Chirper's picture, above, reminds me.  He has a message for his Auntie JoJo!!!!

      
    I miss my Auntie JoJo SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!                            Where are you, Auntie JoJo????

      
    "They aren't feeding me or spoiling me.                                 And, I want my BIG GULP CUP!!!!"

    The only thing on my agenda, today, is to take a relaxing bath.  Marie came a little late this morning, but I've been piddling on here while she has been on a phone call.  If I take my bath, maybe I can relax a bit today and just kind of "hang out." 

    It DID storm a bit last night and we have storms predicted through tomorrow, so the girls are playing with their bubbles.  I've asked them to save the 3D chalk (you can't buy it alone - it has to be purchased WITH the glasses) for a day when the rain doesn't wash away their artistic endeavors!

    Be Blessed  ~

  • A Busy Weekend

    This was a busy few days.  Lots of things went on and lots of visitors came to see me/us.

    Marie took the girls to a park's water play area.  Not one of those gigantic water theme parks, but a park that used to have a pool and converted it to fountains, squirt guns, etc.  Marie said there were a lot of unattended children from an apartment complex across the street.  It was busy for a while and then thinned out, and the girls had more fun.  But, not before Rissy slipped on the wet concrete and landed on her chin.

                                           
    That's not a scrape.  It started as a huge broken blood vessel/bubble and then began to drift down her neck as her body absorbed the excess blood under the skin.  Obviously, she screamed at first and was worried she had knocked her teeth out.  But, since then (and having looked at it) she hasn't complained much except to ask for a Tylenol.  Don't you just hate seeing your children hurt themselves?  I always suffer worse sympathy pains than my child actually feels!

    Maybe I should have had a hunch it would be a "dark play day at the fountains" when I took this last under exposed DARK photo of them waving good bye before getting into the Suburban!!!  Of course, it didn't occur to me to send my camera with Marie.  That would have been the smart thing to do!  Rissy forgot hers the day they went to the zoo.  All these neat things they are doing, and we have no pictures!

                                 

    Before they left with Marie to go to the fountain park, they were so full of hope and happiness!
      They wore their bathing suits under their swim *shirts* for modesty's sake at a public pool - a place they've never been.  They've swam only at our own pool and Stephanie's apartment's pool.  They voluntarily covered up without me asking them.  Good girls!

    ================================

    Until a few minutes ago, it was another crazy morning around here.  Jesse left for work and I promised to sit in the den or at the computer chair until Marie got here.  It should have been a calm and relaxing time for me - but wasn't.

    Sushi gets so excited when one of the cats finally wakes up, as she is always up early with us.  Chirper sought solitude and protection from Sushi under the dining room table.  Not much of a protective fence, concerning Sushi.
       

    Sushi offered a toy and nipped at poor Chirper's toes between the chair legs.  ANYTHING to get Chirper to play.
      

    ==============================

    I think I mentioned that on Thursday, Emily came by our house to pick up glass cookware and food to make dinner for us.  She returned Friday night with a boat load of her famous homemade rolls (a famous family recipe), chicken pot pie for Friday's dinner, cinnamon rolls for Saturday's breakfast, macaroni & cheese mixed with hotdogs for Saturday's lunch, a vegetable beef soup for Saturday's dinner, a breakfast casserole for Sunday's breakfast, and the most light and delicious chocolate cake with glazed frosting and sprinkled chocolate chips on top. 

    We were sure we'd never eat all of that food by Sunday, but we did, except for the cake.  This morning, I'm having a little bit of the breakfast casserole that is leftover!  Last night, some friends (Reba & Glenn) sent a dinner our way with a church family who lives close to our subdivision.  Chicken enchiladas and a tossed salad.  I don't know why I've never thought of making enchiladas for a family needing help - but I've made a mental note for the future when I'm called on, again, to serve others.

    Actually, two couples and their children came to deliver the food before going out to eat, for themselves.  They stayed a while a visited before leaving.  Such nice people!!!

    We have two more families from the Church of Christ who are "feeding us" today and tomorrow; then, Pastor C.J.'s church said they'd take over Wednesday through Saturday.  I think JoAnn arrives back here around 4:30p on Saturday.

    ==================================

    I was telling my aunt (who generously offered me a gift of a cleaning service to help around here, while I'm infirmed) that, amazingly, between JoAnn, Marie, and my girls, the house is very clean, orderly, chores are kept up with and the whole house picked up.  I have been able to do some things on my good days, like laundry and simple wiping counters or furniture.  Mainly, I can't bend forward or I feel like I'm somersaulting or "pitching" forward.  It's very hard to get past the wave of dizziness bending forward produces.  I fill ice cube trays, and pick up spills from the kitchen floor until someone catches me and makes me sit down.    

    But anyway, I was reflecting after receiving my aunt's offer, on how these people have come into my home (strangers to our ways) and made things run smoothly  -  like a greased wheel.  While I was at chemo last Thursday, Marie concentrated on our bedroom and bathroom.  Sheets on my bed were washed and the bed remade, the bathroom was cleaned, and the nick knack shelves by my bed were dusted and the wood polished.  A nice clean bedroom to come home and slip into. 

    ==================================

    I took a walk onto the patio this morning to examine my rose bushes.  Many roses have started to dry up on the vine (not to worry, there will be lots more) and I found one pretty flower among the rotting roses - so I went in to get my camera.
                                 

    That is what I seek each and every day - a piece of perfection (God's perfection) among turmoil and unpleasant symptoms.  I spoke with my oldest sister, last night, and I told her I had felt so blessed because things could being going so much worse.  My symptoms from the chemo side effects aren't any where near as bad as they could be; I have wonderful kin taking care of me and our family, there are many more people from church descending upon us like a flood (or a cloud of glory) to feed us and to spend time fellowshipping with us . . . SO, how (in the midst of my trials) could I *not* see God's handiwork in my life?  Just like that one red rose in the briar of thorns and dried up flowers, there is perfection.  You just have to seek - to find.

    ===========================

    On my side of the bed, is a nightstand (with reading material - a fiction book and my Bible; and comfort things like lotion, emory board, a pen and pad of paper, a jar of Carmex for my chapped lips . . .) and an extra (TV) tray that holds my BoomBox and Christian CD's. 

    My bookcase is loaded with all types of books to be read, and it is right next to my bed.  I've lined it with family pictures to remind me of some of  those I love so dearly.
     
    My parents & Emily's children.                         My siblings: Bill, Nancy, Penelope, Me, & Rich

                       
                           JanaLyn with Stephanie;    Me with Jaiden,       Stephanie

                          
    Me & Stephanie on her 21st birthday  -  A card my sister, Nancy, sent that looks like her when she was a child
                         And, again, my parent's picture with Bethany and Brayden H's pics in the frame.
                            The little blue parakeet figurine in front of Nancy's card reminds me of a bird
                               Stephanie and I had when she was very young - Joshua, or - "Joshi-bird" as
                                              he nicknamed himself!!!  He was a great little pet!


    The figurine on the right was my Grandmother's (birth mother's mother) one of my favorite "treasures!"

                                                                                                                                          Some more of my treasures that I like to look at when in bed.
                                                                          My baby picture on the left in a ceramic lace-dipped frame.
                                                                               A San Francisco Music Box teapot that plays music.
                                                                            And, finally, a ceramic figurine I  bought from eBay because
                                                                       it reminds me of something my dad's mother (my sweet Grandma M.)
                                                                             kept on her dresser - the dresser set that is now in our room.

    I keep lots of things close that remind me of people I love.  And I know this period in my life will not last for ever.  So, I stay positive, reminding myself of all I have and all of those who love me.  It helps immensely to be so covered in the care and concern and the prayers of others.

    ================================

    FINALLY, today . . .  SPRING FLING IS REALLY HERE!!!!! 

    We don't do Easter with bunnies, eggs, candy, and baskets, but we DO pick a day when the warm weather looks like it is here to stay and hold "Spring Fling" - a day the girls receive  gay colored gift bags stuffed with summer clothing and toys.  We had intended to do it yesterday, when Jesse was off, but we decided cleaning our their drawers of winter things (like sweaters, leggings, & sweat pants, and panties that no longer fit)   !!!     LOL!     !!!!   was a better use of our time.  Their dresser drawers are now tidy (though I don't know for how long!!!) and a few new shirts will fit in nicely. 

    This is what is in my closet awaiting Jesse's return from work tonight.
                                   
    The orange and pink paper in the pink bag looks like a cat might have already tried to snoop!  I should know better than to put stuff on my closet floor!!!  The girls won't snoop, as they spoiled a surprise for themselves one year and learned their lesson.  We are also in the process of wrapping Stephanie's gifts for her June 12th birthday - so the girls were none the wiser!

                

                                                   
    I love giving to my girls (and others); and I especially love wrapping things all pretty - just to generate more excitement when thinking about what could possibly be inside the package!

    I best get moving.  It's taken me forever to type this today.  I feel "S-L-O-W-E-R" than cold molasses and apologize now for, what I imagine will be, a multitude of typos, etc.

    Be Blessed  ~