April 23, 2009

• Rested

  A few pictures inserted willy nilly of me and my final "look" before I have to find strength to look "different" - (deep breath)!

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  I slept so well last night!  HOWEVER . . . , I had lots of troubling falling asleep.  I took the recommended prescription (Ambien) and still nothing happened.  I got out of bed (while Jesse & Chirper slept so deeply, they were snoring) and got down on my knees and prayed.  Something like, "I know it's your will for me to sleep, Lord, because YOU created the days and nights here on earth with a plan of "REST" at the end of a day.  Please help me to fall asleep and quit making lists of nonsensical things in my head." 

  I went through the 23rd Psalm out loud on my knees and spoke to God about how HE said he would make me "lie down in *green pastures* (not briars and thickets full of thorns) and He leads me beside *still waters* (not tempests or stormy seas)" . . .   After the end of my praying, I got in bed and fell asleep shortly after that.  I woke up at 7:30am this morning!  A true miracle and answer to prayer!!!

                                          
                                                    (Some of the flowers salvaged from my two bouquets
                                                         from my sister, Nancy, and sister-in-law, Angie)

  Annamarie is fine after yesterday's emergency opthalmology trip downtown.    She has a tear (rip?) either in the cornea or lens (can't remember which, both sound dangerous but are common injuries) and didn't even need to wear her patch home.  The doctor said Jesse and JoAnn did the right thing by cleaning her eye with saline, putting whatever they did into the eye, and covering it overnight.  The doctor told Annamarie to wear sunglasses outside and not play hard for the rest of the day (something about eye pressure).  She has an opthalmic RX to use through the end of week and no limits on playing from today onward.

                                                          
                                                                    (Me, last week, by Rissy. 
                                                                       Over exposed lighting -
                                                          but, me and the last of my "new looks"!)

  I washed my hair yesterday in the shower.  Quite likely it was for the last time.  Rissy took pictures of me with my long hair - for posterity.  I won't show those pictures. First of all, I don't have tons of "gorgeous" hair, but it's MY hair and I've made it a practice to only let my husband and family (or those staying in our home overnight) see my hair.  No Biblical reason, I just made the decision to keep my long hair (hanging down my back) for my husband's sight.  Unless God desires to do a miracle by allowing the chemo to NOT rob me of my hair - these are the final days for me.

                                          

  Anyway, my sweet friend received my overnight mailed "sleep cap" (a soft knit cap people without hair wear at night) and quickly (in a matter of hours) made me two kerchief style coverings to be worn with my wig and a duplicate of the sleep cap.  Then, she went back to the post office and sent it all back (overnight) to me.  It's perfect (like everything else she has sewn for us) and I feel as prepared as I can be.  Around the house I can wear the white sleep cap with a Lancaster Amish covering, which makes me feel better.  It may look goofy to others, but it's a lightweight covering over my "new hair" (which will be those "white" sleep caps) around the house or when I go for chemo.  It definitely makes the statement, "I am a Christian and Christian's lives aren't always full of perfection."  I think the knit cap will clearly show I'm a chemo patient, but the covering somehow adds dignity to me.  It's not a salavation issue (covering or hair) but is an important thing to me and, well . . . I don't know . . .  I may not be explaining this topic well at all.  Especially to those of you who don't even know WHY I (or others) wear a covering.  Suffice it to say, covering is important to me.

  Soooooo, I suspect there will be tears when the time comes (IF it comes) to lose it all.  It's the only painful issue I've had to deal with, and I'm sure everyone looks at me and thinks, "With her diagnosis, how in the world can hair supersede all else?"   I don't know.  It just does.  But . . . I'm getting closer to being okay with saying good-bye, if I have to.  "Okay"   NOT,   "thrilled"

                               

  Stephanie called yesterday and she asked if she could rent a movie and JoAnn, me and her watch it this afternoon.  JanaLyn will be with her dad after school.  It's not a movie I want the girls to see - "Doubt" with Merle Streep.  I also hope it doesn't have offensive parts that I have to tune out and turn my eyes from.  The entire subject is so horrible (exposing abuse of young boys at the hands of priests, etc.), but I'm hoping the cast and director's names mean that integrity has been woven into the making of the movie.  I'm not a huge movie watcher and we NEVER go to a theater.  We rent.  Usually, by the time they are available to rent, I've forgotten that I've wanted to see a particular movie.

                               
                                               (three weeks old - can you believe it?!)

  Jesse left this morning to mow.  He doesn't have a whole lot to do, right now.  The late, bitter freeze we had slowed down the growth of the new grass.  But, with rain likely each day next week, things will soon be hopping for him.  He's worried about no work coming in, but late April and a lack of work is common each year.  I've been trying to remind him that he gets spooked this time each year.

  Today's To Do List:
  *  Go through more of the girls' summer clothes boxes for lightweight dresses/clothing
  *  Ummmm . . . .let's see . . .
  *  Watch a movie with JoAnn and Stephanie this morning
  *  Oh yeah - Get dressed

  and . . . I think that's about it for today.  I actually feel cognitive and able to concentrate but have nothing to do that's pressing.  Chirper needs the vet to clip his nails, but Jesse said he would take him in next week (perfect job for him to do on a rainy day).

                               

  Be Blessed  ~

  • 10:27 am
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