March 20, 2009

• So Glad This is Today

  I'm so glad yesterday is over with and this is a new day.  Fortunately, I made my last phone call around 9pm last night.  I mentioned in the comments section yesterday, that I think yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life.  I like to make people feel better and I like helping others.  I had to make calls or write to people who love me and make them hurt with my news.  My prayer that I could do it all in one day (and then be done with delivering sad news) came to pass - except for one of our older daughters.  She was at work and called this morning. 

  What a blogging support community y'all have become to me!  Thank you.  I'm glad to know the Internet is used for God's purpose and not just worldly *MIS*use!

                                       

  We had "the talk" with our little girls yesterday.  My bio Mom denied her impending death and we weren't allowed to be "real" around her.  I've chosen to be honest about whatever I'm going through and answer questions honestly.  People can deal with truth much easier than sketchy pieces of information.

  I have no clue what my future holds because I have no clue where cancer is growing.  I don't know how large the cancer area is right now.  AND . . . I don't even know my options.  I'm still not reading the Internet to research cancer, because I know so little.  I'll wait and let the expert lady doctor tell me my results, options, and prognosis - which is still the world's view and not God's - when I see her April 7th.

  My oldest daughter was horrified that I wasn't a bit upset about having a mastectomy.  I told her I'd be more upset if they were taking away my tongue, because I love to eat and *taste* food; and, we all know how much I love to talk!!!  Surely that would be a greater loss than my breasts, which I hide under vests or cape dress style dresses, anyway!  But, not to enjoy a good conversation or the taste of chocolate???  Much worse!  LOL  I'm trying to keep things in perspective, I really am!

                                     

  Not one to always follow directions precisely, I took a bath last night.  Only 4" of water and I washed everywhere except where there was surgical tape over my incisions.  Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate being clean?  LOL!!!  It felt wonderful and I felt partially human again!  I had taken a shower Tuesday night and hadn't seen soap or water since then!  A friend of Jesse's stopped by Wednesday and again Thursday afternoon.  I teased him about it being "Day #2" of not bathing.  I told him he must be a true friend to come around a second time.  He laughed and said he might talk to me from the porch and front door the next visit he made!  Since I cleaned up last night, that won't be necessary!

  I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be.  AND, I didn't take a percoset last night.  They make me itch.  Not bad, like hives, just like a piece of hair is tickling my cheek, or a tag from my clothing is tickling my arm or the back of my neck.  I find myself brushing away imaginary things tickling my skin.  Extra Strength Tylenol was sufficient.  Today the incisions are itching under the surgical tape (it comes off on Monday).  I'm sure the little nerves in my skin are trying to heal, and the itching there is much more real than the imagined Percoset induced tickling and itching.

                                    

  Jesse has taken the girls with him today to run errands and then to the girls' 1pm therapy appointment.  I've spoken with their therapist a little while ago.  A sweet gal who cried when I told her my news.  How I hate making people I care about cry.  Well, I hate making ANYONE cry.  At least she has a "heads up" on what the girls may want to talk about AND how she might get the girls to open up to her with their feelings and emotions.  The therapist is a Christian - a plus for our family.

  I feel pretty good today and if I don't try to do too many heavy tasks over the weekend, I suspect I'll be feeling okay (except for tenderness at the bruised incision sites) come Monday.  I want to run the vacuum cleaner (a really light weight Dyson) but better judgement is keeping me from doing the stupid!  I"ll probably finish my book.

  Jesse did all of the remaining laundry, yesterday.  Rissy fixed taco salads for dinner last night and I see Jesse has another package of ground beef thawed and in the refrigerator.  I should be up cooking by tomorrow.  Need to plan next week's school lessons with Monday's MRI as a consideration.

  WHY ALL THE PIECES OF CAT IN TODAY'S POST?????

  Because isn't that what our life looks like when we face hard times and only get glimpse of pieces here and there?  No matter how hard we try to make sense, we are only seeing pieces that don't appear to fit and we try, try, try to make sense of those odd pieces. 

  HOWEVER . . .

  This is what God sees:

                             
  

  From the beginning to the end, HE is in control and sees the entire picture.  After all, He is the one weaving circumstances and lives together.  Not us.  He wants us to relax in the knowledge that He is in control.  Not just "head" knowledge" but out of the abundance of our hearts.

  Today's To Do List:

  *  Stretch a bit and chill out

                             

  Be Blessed  ~

  • 12:54 pm
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