May 22, 2008

• Thursday Thirteen #23

  Thirteen Things I Do TO GUARD MY HEART FROM BEING HURT 1.  Fortunately, I am in a stable marriage now, but I used to have a problem picking men who were really bad for me and abusive.  Trust became an “issue” for a long time. 2.  I have learned to be polite and kind to people who are consistent back stabbers and gossipers.  But my trust in them is zero.  And I (the natural born talker) zip my lips around those a don’t trust. 3.  As a foster parent, I’ve given love to each child we’ve had in our home.  Yet, I’ve always remembered deep in my heart they “belonged to the state of Oklahoma” and my relationship with these children was a “job” only.  I was to nurture and protect them as *if* I was their mother. 4.  I try to tell everyone who is special to me my fond feelings for them.  Yes, I can get really overboard mushy at times; but, you never know when their last day on earth might be.  If a sudden death should happen, I *NEED* to know, in my heart, that they knew how much they meant to me.  (That’s why I get sappy with some of you readers!) 5.  I immerse myself in God’s Word in the hopes that when a difficult or trying situation arises, my flesh doesn’t rise up, too!  I think my flesh ALWAYS rises up when I’m provoked, but God’s Word is on my tongue and I have to choose (sometimes VERY quickly) how I will respond. 6.  I’m a little slow in getting really close to people.  I like most people I meet, but I’ve become very cautious about speaking too much about myself to new people no matter how genuine they appear.  I’ve been deeply hurt when gossip has made it’s way back to me and it was completely unfounded. 7.  I’ve had to come to terms with the fact pets just simply do not live as long as we do and they WILL die and that WILL break my heart.  I just went through the death of my dear cat (almost 20years old) and miss him terribly.  BUT, his last months were full of cuddles, kisses, and sweet words telling him what a wonderful pet he had been. Facing the inevitable made his final death much easier.  But I still hate it when a pet dies!!!!! 8.  When faced with a challenge, I’m tenacious about doing all I know to do to fight.. (Like: what is the best thing for Luci right now?)  That way, I know in my heart, I did all I could have possibly done, even if things don’t turn out successfully.  In other words, I always try my hardest and go above and beyond what most people would do. 9.  I try VERY hard to give and expect nothing in return; and, in most areas, I follow that rule.  B-U-T . . . I’m still irked when I send a birthday check/gift or wedding check/gift and don’t even get an acknowledgment.  Sending a sunshine box to someone who is ill and is inundated with cards and boxes is totally different.  I have never expected someone to gush over me, but “Hey, thanks!” or “Your package arrived in yesterday’s mail”  just doesn’t take that much out of ANYONE’s busy day.  Not in my opinion, anyway.  I guess I expect manners rather than the gushy stuff!  I honestly don’t care if someone wants to take my gift back and get something they like better.  Doesn’t hurt my feelings one bit.  But waiting weeks and then me calling to say, “Did you ever get that box from me?” and the response being, “Oh . . .yeah, I got it. . .” I think that is just plain rude.  So, I quit sending to people who can’t take the time to acknowledge receiving something.  I have to assume receiving something doesn’t really matter to them, so why take my time????  (Yes, I struggle with this a lot, as you can tell!) 10.  When I’m in public and I’m gawked at (because I dress in long dresses with a headcovering), I try to look people in the eye, smile my most sincere smile, and cheerfully say, “Hello!”  I’ve only been whispered about (behind my back) a few times.  Even though my appearance is a conviction of mine, it still hurts.  Especially when I hear, “She’s just one of those dumb religious cult groups!”  You’d think if we were on the soup aisle, they’d at least wait to make their comment when they were on the bread aisle! 11,  I take great pride in being an above average & versatile cook  I try to laugh when things turn out awful (and I can really ruin a complete meal sometimes!!!), but it tears up my heart to think I’ve served something to my loved ones that even the dog won’t eat.  I guess I’m overly sensitive because I want people (and myself) to really enjoy eating wonderful food.  I go through a feeling of embarrassment and trying to tell myself EVERYONE makes mistakes, but my heart still rips a bit. 12.  Words of flattery are often not taken seriously by me.  It embarrasses me.  And, I’m always appalled to find out that many people say words of flattery only to cut you to the bone once your back is turned. 13.  No matter how hard I try to guard my heart, unexpected tears can flow – either from being horrible hurt – or from unexpected tender words.  I received the sweetest card from a blog friend in South Africa this week.  The note she wrote my children made me choke up as I read it, because it was from her heart to our situation.  PERFECT WORDS!  My husband’s jaw dropped as he watched me stumble and try to read the note to my girls, because it’s so rare for any of them to see me cry.  I’m just not (and never have been) a crier.  This card was such a sweet gesture from someone who only knows me from our blog world.  But she got to my heart and made me cry!!!!

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