December 27, 2007

• Back to Remedial Cooking Class

  To all of you who drooled over my menu plans and wished you were joining my family on the 24th and 25th . . . be glad you were NOT here!  To all of you who are wanting to learn to cook, may I be a shining example of (what other's have called) "an excellent cook" who can still make a mess in the kitchen!!!  I guess it happens to the best of us at one time or another!  I was telling a friend (Lori K) that I don't ruin a meal often; but, when I do, I ruin it with flying colors!

  Where, oh WHERE, DO I BEGIN????!!!!!!!!

  My tenderloin beef roast was raw to rare when I cut into it Monday night.  Everything, including  the rolls, was ready to be served and I had a raw roast!  I quickly decided to cut the roast into 1 1/2" thick slices and fan it out.  I popped it back in the oven (setting the timer for 15 minutes) and rechecked it.  Still raw to rare.  I popped it back in for 10 minutes and left it there an additional 5 minutes while I rewarmed the potatoes, green beans, and rolls.  Yes, that's right, I left the roast in the oven too long.  We like medium rare meat and this was medium well except for the one piece Stephanie had that was medium.  A tenderloin roast is always tender, even if it's cooked well, WELL done, so "the flavor" was good.  Potatoes were half warm, as were the green beans, and (by now) crusty dinner rolls. 

  Oh, well, I had the next day's breakfast casserole and turkey dinner to redeem myself!

  Luci woke up everyone (including me, although I had planned to be the first one up) on Tuesday, and I turned on the oven, popped in the breakfast casserole I had assembled the night before, and brought the turkey in from the garage refrigerator.  The timer for the breakfast casserole went off and I removed the casserole and popped in our (now seasoned)  turkey for a 2:00pm lunch/dinner.

  After opening our few gifts, I cut into the casserole to serve it and it was the biggest, watery mess I have ever seen!  I think either the "low fat" half and half or the cheaper, Wal-Mart brand, mild (not sharp) pre-grated cheddar cheese (I had bought to save money) was the culprit.  Either way, it was inedible.  Jesse NEVER throws out food, but he could only pick out the sausage from the casserole and woefully dumped the remaining 2/3s in the trash.  Mind you, I've made this casserole successfully for years and *thought* it was impossible to ruin.

  Oh, well, I STILL had the turkey dinner to redeem myself!  Right?!!!

  I was determined to not stress over any of our celebrating and meals (remember, I had made everything SUPER easy on myself, menu-wise?????) and sat down to watch a movie with my family.  We were in the den with the fireplace roaring.  On several occasions I was aware that I couldn't smell the turkey, but was determined I would NOT get up to check on the food because I was GOING TO ENJOY  AND RELAX with the family.  I also kind of told myself the fireplace wood was really smoking and THAT'S why I couldn't smell the turkey cooking.  The smoky wood was overriding the smells from the kitchen.  (Yeah, that's it.  The smoke was overriding the oven smells!  Yeah, right!)  I began to get ready to prepare my turkey side dishes and asked Jesse if he could smell turkey cooking.  He couldn't.  I asked him to open the oven door and see if there was a turkey smell, which he proceeded to do and inform me THE OVEN HAD NOT BEEN TURNED ON!!!!!!!!!!!  In my ever efficient manner, I had taken out the breakfast casserole, turned the oven off, and then, absentmindedly,  placed the turkey in the oven, not realizing the oven was cool and not hot.  I was furious with myself!

  Stephanie and Jesse said no problem and I should just stay calm.  Stephanie said, "Just laugh about it, Mom!  You never mess up anything and this will be a funny story in the future."  I failed, at the time, to see much humor in the situation and wondered what I would serve these starving people who had nibbled around the kitchen after viewing the unsuccessful breakfast casserole catastrophe!  I remembered I had some Sara Lee sandwich meat and proceeded to make sandwiches for everyone while Stephanie got ready to go to work (her restaurant didn't close on Christmas day).

  I turned the oven on and sent Stephanie on her way with a sandwich, Cheetos, and a slice of pumpkin cheesecake all neatly wrapped up on a paper plate slipped into a giant baggie!  (rolling my eyes!)  Soon (within 3 1/2 hours) the turkey smelled WONDERFUL and 30 minutes later I checked it with a meat thermometer.  It registered done and I decided to lower the oven to 170 degrees (warm) to keep it warm without (hopefully) drying it out.  I figured we could eat around 6pm and have an evening turkey meal.  No great loss - except to Stephanie.

  Soon after Stephanie had left, she called to say there were too many waitresses scheduled and the manager had told her she could go home.  Back to our house she came, commenting (as she walked through the front door) about how wonderful the turkey smelled.  We watched another movie together.

  At 6pm, I took out the turkey to let it sit on the counter while I made instant mashed potatoes, gravy from the turkey juices, corn, glazed carrots, and MORE dinner rolls.  All was hot and ready and I began to carve into the breast WHICH WAS SLIGHTLY PINK!!!!!!!!!!!  "No way!" I thought.  The skin was peeled back from the legs (as if the whole bird was overcooked) and I used the meat thermometer again to check the breast.  What did it register?????  Bingo!  Raw around the bone!!!!!!  I was fit to be tied!!!!

  Stephanie and Jesse came running into the kitchen and said we could just eat leftover roast.  I seriously doubted there was enough left, but it was our only option .  But, how would I heat it up and have it taste decent?????  Fortunately, I had poured the pan drippings over the leftover sliced meat the night before and I place the meat in a Corningware dish and drizzled the juice over the slices.  I heated it for several minutes in the microwave and turned it and reheated, and turned it and reheated . . . until I felt it was warmed through.  I could only wonder how WELL DONE it was becoming, being nuked in a microwave and all.  Surprisingly, it wasn't ruined, just way overcooked for out taste buds. 

  As I pulled the turkey side dishes together, I slopped food everywhere.  On the floor.  On the back of the stove.  Into the burner drip pans.  Then, somehow!!!!!, hit the bottom of the microwave's vent-a-hood and one of the screens fell from the fan into the turkey gravy (for which I had no use, now that I was serving beef!).  I was so frustrated with myself and said, "Good grief, Cher' you'd think you've never seen a kitchen before!"

  So we had (once again) beef tenderloin with the turkey's side dishes!  It was okay, but hard for me to relax and enjoy.  I put the turkey BACK in the oven, we watched yet ANOTHER movie and somewhere around 8:30pm I removed the turkey to the top of the stove.  I remember thinking, "I am SO DONE with cooking.  I don't care to cook for the next 50 years!"  Of course, that's assuming I live to be 105 years old!!!  But, after two days of ruining food, I felt about 105 years old!!!!

  Jesse had said we could just eat the turkey on Wednesday night.  Wednesday morning I had a doctor's appointment (a recheck and some blood work) and when I returned to the house, Jesse called and said maybe we could go out for dinner that night.  I'm not sure if he recognized my mental overload and wanted to give me a reprieve from the kitchen,  or if he really just wanted some decent food!!!

  We DID go out last night.  Up to the corner to a restaurant with a menu that has a good variety of items.  Then, we went to look at the lights in the park.  I was O-U-T by 10pm and didn't wake up until almost 8am this morning.  That's the most sleep I've had in a long time!  I was truly exhausted!

  I say all of that to say this:  No matter how much you think of yourself or your talents, there's always room for mistakes.  I'm laughing today (Stephanie was right) but what a disaster.  Maybe this won't have to happened to me for another 10, or so, years!  I know I'm not the sharpest blade in the drawer these days, and the doctor assured me hormones and thyroid imbalance are playing a great part - AND he DID get a kick out of my turkey story; but, I hope to not put myself through another cooking fiasco for a long, long time.  It was like having a nightmare where you wake up, go back to sleep, and the dream continues!!!!

  Menu for tonight:  Turkey

  • 11:18 am
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