November 6, 2007

  • Last Dental Appointment

    I'm writing this morning with that familiar feeling of dread.  It's D-Day (Dentist Day).  You'd think I'd be used to it, by now, and my dentist would have gained my trust.  I should be glad this is the LAST dental trip, since he's placing the permanent crown in my mouth.  I AM glad that my mouth should be fine by Thanksgiving and (soon) I should be able to chew on both sides of my mouth, but still . . . it's the dentist. 

    I can't ever get past that sick feeling in my stomach before each appointment, thus the reason for me ingesting limited amounts of coffee this morning with only toast.  I'll have a cheese stick or two a little closer to noon, but no liquids after this coffee.  The level of anxiety, while I'm in the "chair," makes me need to make frequent trips to the restroom during every single visit.  I figure, I'm an obnoxious enough patient without repeatedly interrupting the dentist for my potty breaks!   So, I eat and drink nothing for hours before my appointments and it's given me success - not having to get up during an appointment.

    My appointment is at 2:30pm and I have to start taking the Halcion sleeping pills at 12:30 and again at 1:30 and bring the rest with me (sigh).  I feel like an elephant or rhinoceros - some humongous creature - that isn't easily "put down" with one blow from the dart gun!!!!  I don't think this is a weight issue as much as (what the dentist calls) high anxiety!

    If the leftovers in the refrigerator aren't good enough for tonight, Jesse can make "slippery noodles" (Ramen Noodles, knick named by the girls!) or run up the street for Sonic's 99cent burger special (Tuesdays and Thursdays).  I doubled up on the laundry I did yesterday, so I won't get behind today.  I'll have Rissy and Annamarie vacuum and dust after I take my first set of pills.   It will keep them occupied and busy and I won't have to check on them as much.

    Jesse has a tree cutting job this morning and plans to be home by noon, anyway.  I don't like taking sleep inducing drugs of any kind when I'm alone with my children.  Not that many pills easily make me sleepy, but you never know . . .

    I made spaghetti last night.  Green salad.  Garlic toast.  The whole nine yards.  I started the meal in the afternoon since Jesse had taken the girls with him - out to lunch and to Sam's - and they enjoyed their alone time with him.  I persevered with laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and paying some bills.  It was nice to have a quiet house; but, I sure wouldn't want it quiet forever.  I remind myself (when the sound barrier is almost broken by multiple TV's and the sounds of children and toys) that I could be alone without husband or children for the rest of my life.  That's NOT my wish: not at all.

    Anyway, I felt SOOOO tired as I cleaned last night's dishes and put them in the dishwasher (praise God for a dishwasher!) and then sat in the formal living room (more like LAID on the sofa) "watching" Jesse on the computer for a while.  Finally, I said I was going to have to get ready for bed and asked, "What time is it, anyway?"  He informed me it was 7:10pm!!!!!!  I thought he was kidding (it felt like 9:45!) and he promised he wasn't teasing me this time.

    These days I am getting lots more done around the house, etc. but, by dinner time, I feel absolutely drained.  Meals are still on the simple side because I have come to  realize I have only a shred of energy left at the end of the day to prepare, serve, and clean up the meal.  At night, I am in bed by 8-something and usually fall asleep within the hour.

    Well, to those of you who know of my dental phobia, please keep me in prayer this afternoon.   I'm sure I'll be fine (technically) but I need prayers for my anxiety. 

    "I'm off to the gallows . . ." she said, begrudgingly, as she trudged the dreary path to the shower, to prepare her body for the barbarian practices of what is (today) termed "modern dentistry."