Jesse bought 99cent Sonic burgers last night because I called whining that I felt like the room was spinning and I was going to crater.  I didn't feel like I could even manage the frozen chicken fettucine I had planned to stick in the oven!  I ate, chatted with him a bit, then took my "drugs" at 8:15 and fell asleep around 9pm.  I slept until 5am - an improvement - and I was pleased.

NOTHING much was on the news this morning - Democratic debate info (of which I have no interest) and a few repetitive stories.  I flipped between NBC's local station, The Today Show, and Fox & Friends and felt I pretty much had a handle on the world's news within the first 30 minutes!  I was sad to see Robert Goulet had died awaiting a lung transplant.  He was my early childhood crush and even kissed my hand once after a performance I had attended (I recall he had a cigarette in his hand at the time).  This morning, I spent more time opening and closing the back door for Stormy, our youngest cat, than I did watching the news.  In and out, in and out, in and out . . .

We decided to keep Luci home from daycare today because of all the Halloween goings-on.  They've turned the back room into a "haunted house" and have honored our wishes by not allowing Luci to participate.  However, they kindly let Jesse know (when he picked her up last night) that most of the children would be in costumes today and doing the "creepy" celebration stuff with gummy eyeball candies and witches brew punch . . .   Now, we only have one more day of monitoring television shows and the fateful day will be gone!  I wish I could think of somewhere we could go - just us girls - but everything is decorated for Halloween.  A park is out of the question since none of us can be outside playing due to sore throats and the sniffles.

If I had enough eggs and a clean kitchen table (it's STILL loaded with homeschool materials!!!), today would be perfect time to color and decorate eggs.  We don't "do" Easter eggs, but I buy different boxes of the dye during that season and we decorate eggs as art projects throughout the year.

It looks like we are making a trip to SE Oklahoma this weekend to pick up free firewood from Jesse's brother.  The weather is supposed to (we'll see, we'll see!) get down into the 20's early next week.  I should really have the fireplace cleaned before we try to burn stuff.  I didn't have the chimney sweep come out last year.  We use our fireplace almost every day in the winter months.  I'm all about being safe!

I think we're having breakfast for dinner tonight.  Haven't done that in a long time.  It's not usually one of Jesse's favorite meals, but pancakes, sausages, & eggs sound good and DIFFERENT.j  Actually, a regular old-fashioned meal with meat, potatoes & vegetables sounds good too, but I'm taking baby steps as I get back into cooking.  And after my raw chicken fiasco the other night . . . (!!!!!!!!)

Luci's in the bathtub and I'm next.  Rissy wants a quick bath, too.  She's discovered bath products and anything that smells good.  I think she'd bathe twice a day if we let her!  She's growing up so fast.  Not my skinny little baby any more!

Yesterday was beautiful and I opened many of the windows in the afternoon.  I got a lot of laundry done, cleaned a major portion of my desk area (still messy, though) and cleaned the kitchen after Rissy made brownies.

I guess I'll boil the breasts (to be sure they are cooked through) and make chicken and noodles with the remainder of the stubborn bird!

I've been up since 4am.  I struggle with insomnia and have for years; sometimes, it's worse than other times.  This is one of "those" weeks.  My eyes are so puffy and swollen looking.  I may have to brew another pot of coffee to keep myself going all day.  I told Jesse, if I continue to wake up at 4am in the morning (it seems to be my new "rising time"), the time change next weekend will have me up at 3am!!!  Nothing I'm looking forward to!  There's nothing Jesse can do for me but he feels very sorry for me - knowing how I really need my sleep.  I'm up for ANYTHING if I've had enough rest!  I told him I may have to quit fighting this and just try going to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 each night.  There's more than one way to skin a cat!

Guess I should get moving.  Slow "news day" around here - which is a GOOD thing, considering the lack of sleep I've had!!!

The flu shot I got last week "activated" itself Friday evening and I was soooo sick all Friday night and felt lousy Saturday.  Now I remember why I don't believe in taking flu shots!  I only took the shot this year for two reasons:  1) I made Rissy have one and I promised *I* would have one, too (if it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me), and 2) I figured the doctors might be right about me being a higher risk this ONE year for getting the flu.  Now mind you, I've only had the flu ONCE in my adult life (1988 or 1989).  I DO remember it being horrible and I felt really rotten for weeks.  But,  I also thought (after my Friday night episode) that I would probably never EVER have another flu shot  (nor allow my children to have one) for as long as I live!

I felt better yesterday (except for the lingering runny nose and sore throat) and became more active, moving my den furniture around a bit.  We moved the bird cage and the big screen TV to better spots.  Now you can see our fireplace, which we will start using again, soon.  I continued to sift through junk piles here and there, not really making any particular progress.  Made some simple meals - my keyword these days: simple!

I also went through the homeschool books but left them on the kitchen table in confusing piles, again - because *I'm* confused!  I can't decide what to pack up in the homeschool storage cupboard and what we MIGHT need.  I'm thinking of packing everything but the current books and retrieving them from the cupboard, as needed.  Annamarie won't be using the books I had previously bought.  I, since then, have found some great Pre-K-Kindergarten books that encourage thinking skills, or logic.  I have a large box of "Hooked on Phonics" that needs to be moved back to the guest room - the only room that has a VCR, which is what the HOP's set is - VHS tapes.  AND, I need to USE the set instead of letting it collect dust.  That's something Annamarie AND Rissy can both use.  I won't drill or test Annamarie like I will Rissy, but you never know what she might pick up by just being exposed.

I'm doing laundry this morning - the last of the winter stuff . . .  nightgowns, leggings, etc. - and then my regular laundry!  Today, it's Luci's and my laundry baskets.  I washed the girls' bathroom carpets lastnight after a "flood" or "tidal wave"from the bathtub saturated them.  Rissy was a mermaid swimming away from sharks . . . 

I talked to my mom yesterday and she (as well as several others) asked me about WHY I thought my cholesterol had been significantly lower on my recent lab results.  She wondered if we had changed to a low cholesterol diet.  We haven't particularly done so.  The thought came to me, as I pondered exactly WHAT food changes I had made in the past few years, the only thing we did differently was to change to a "modified" Biblical diet.  We decided (almost 3 years ago) to cut out pork, shellfish, and any fish that didn't have fins and scales.  I know shrimp & pork products are traditionally high in cholesterol and that's the only thing we did differently in a BIG way.  I also started using (almost always) cold pressed, virgin olive oil and more local honey.  We didn't do it because of feeling bound to Old Testament laws; but, because we thought, if God made our bodies and then laid out a plan for the human diet, maybe He knew what was best for us and we should try it.  We had decided to see if we felt better and were going to give it a test year, or so.  We don't necessarily "feel" better; but, maybe my lab work is our proof!

It's taken me 3 hours to type this.  I keep getting interrupted and coming back to the computer.  I think I'll quit now and get on with my chores.  If I get a brainstorm later, I'll add an edited post!

All but my thyroid blood work results have come in and everything looks excellent - except for a slightly elevated triglyceride level.  I hadn't fasted when they drew the blood and they told me to not be surprised if it was elevated.  It probably could stand to be lower (fasting or not!) and I'm not surprised at it reading high because of my love for red meat and B-U-T-T-E-R!

But, even my cholesterol levels looked very good.  I've made a concerted effort to think about food choices related to cholesterol when eating, as it was 224 about 18 years ago and  216 about 3 years ago.  It is 178 right now.  LDL and HDLC were all well within a normal range!  Yippee!!!

The "thyroid testing machine" was down this week and the lab said my thyroid stuff was run yesterday and I should have the results next week.  My new doctor doesn't work on Friday afternoons.

I'm just pleased as punch with these lab readings and DO hope the thyroid testing comes back with an equally good report.  But, even if it doesn't, I will finally know what I'm working with.  If all is good, I guess it just means I'm on the mend but not as quickly as I'd like!

Jesse said I was falling asleep on the ride TO the dentist office and he told the receptionist I was the most quiet he'd ever seen me BEFORE an impending, huge dentist visit!  I remember bits and pieces of the visit.  My lower back was grossly uncomfortable and I asked for a pillow.  I DID clunk my shoes together (over and over again) and bongo drum play the armrests of the chair with the palms of my hands.  That's probably when the dentist asked me if I'd like to take a 5th pill - which I took!  I'm also vaguely aware of asking (in a THICK drawl), "So, how are we doin' timewise, y'all?"  The dentist (from Mississippi) burst out laughing, telling me I sounded like I was from his hometown!

Unbeknownst to me, I was there 2 1/2 (instead of 1 1/2 hours), thus, the reason for my impatience and uncomfortable back.  I think the dentist must have been juggling patients, because it seems like he was gone most of the time.  His assistant finished up the final process of fitting the temporary crown.  This was the only time Jesse stayed in the waiting room the WHOLE time!  He and the girls were SO BORED!  I barely remember the ride home, woke up 3 hours later in bed wearing all of my clothes except my shoes and headcovering.  I, later, found my shoes neatly lined up in my closet and headcovering put in its box!  I have no recollection of doing that and Jesse says he didn't help.  Around 7:45pm, I woke up and came out to the kitchen.  Jesse told me they had eaten Sonic burgers and there was one leftover for me.  I went to the garage to get a new package of American cheese, cut it open, took out a slice, put the cheese in a Ziplock bag, heated the meat and melted the cheese, put the burger back together, ate it, and told Jesse I thought I'd go back to bed!!!  IN my nightgown, I slept until 6 this morning.  I found all of my clothes hung neatly in my closet this morning!

I must cook so much, that it's rote for me to slap together a cheeseburger and find my way through the darkened garage refrigerator while sleepwalking!

Today, I am trying to get back into the swing of things.  Laundry, dishwasher, cook dinner, etc.  The appointments on Monday and Tuesday have thrown me off schedule.  Sure doesn't take much!  And I feel discombobulated. 

Jesse is working double time for the next 3 days and I've planned spaghetti for dinner tonight.  Not his favorite thing to eat, but he doubts he'll be home until very late.

I need to get Luci to daycare, it's already past 10am.

I spent all of this morning in a "new" doctor's office.  I really liked him.  His office is literally around the corner from me, and his charges are extremely reasonable.

I still haven't been feeling (in my opinion) "well enough" and, after my doctor suddenly raised his rate (doubled it) at my last visit, I felt it was time to seek another physician's opinion.  I've had some scary thoughts (mainly along the lines of something being fatally wrong with me) and decided to seek the advice of Stephanie's doctor. 

I got there at 9:30am today and left his office a little after noon.  Nice reception staff, nice doctor, nice nurse, nice lab tech, and NICE prices.  He looked at the x-rays I brought with me and the copies of the doctor's notes from this past illness (starting back in July).  I told him I realized I was "getting old" but had always been so vibrant and active and, I felt, this "lung thing" had hung on way too long.  My energy is still very low, at times, and I feel like it (my energy or "life force") leaves my body through my toes.  I told him (truthfully, without exaggeration) that there are times when I'm alone that I cry because I feel like I'm dying.  Like something is slowly killing me.  I said, "I don't believe on April 12th I turned 54 years old and on October 12th I hit 54 1/2 years old and turned into an "old" person.  Old age creeps up gradually.

He explained (after reviewing my x-ray, lab, and history) that "old age" CAN set in quickly after a major surgery or illness.  He told me the seriousness of the lung infection I've had is the equivalent of a heart attack or major surgery.  My body had taken a beating and it DID age me - but only temporarily.  Then I got the talk about "not overdoing things" and letting time heal.  He said if I didn't listen to my body warning me, my body would override my brain and shut down - thus, the sudden exhaustion I experience at times.  Instead of waiting for my body to say, "Don't unload the top rack of the dishwasher, go sit down NOW!" - I should be hearing it say, "I don't have the energy to tackle the dishwasher right now, at all.  Don't do it!"

These "attacks" seem to happen without warning and I HAVE felt like I was being careful.  I still have help with the housework and stay away from cleaning chemicals and am trying to remember to be a germopbobic!   He told me, everything I'm doing is right and correct, but to give recovery another couple of months.  Months???!!!!   Meanwhile, he ran a lot of lab tests to be sure I'm doing okay, including a test to rule out thyroid problems.  I got a flu shot for the first time in my life.  I've scheduled a pelvic and pap with a female P.A. in the same clinic in mid-November.

Tomorrow afternoon, I'm having the first part of my crown started at the dentist.  Then, November 6th, I go back for the 2nd half of the crown.

This has been a VERY expensive year medically and dentally, us having no insurance.  After my lab results come back, my pelvic/pap, and my crown is completed, I'm hoping my body "holds" together for a while.

I've already given consideration to Thanksgiving and Stephanie has offered to do the majority of work.  I'm just not up to thinking about the preparations, much less physically doing more than sticking a turkey in the oven.  I considered going out to eat or getting one of those meals from the grocery store, but I don't feel that desperate, just now.

I probably won't write tomorrow since I'll be drugged for my dental appointment.  This time a LOT of Halcion.  I checked with the doctor today to be sure taking 2 pills 2 hours before and 2 more pills one hour before the appointment was safe for me, and he felt I'd be fine.  Sounds like a scary amount of medication.  But then, last time . . . yackity yack!!!!

I must go.  Will probably write again on Wednesday or Thursday. 

P.S.  Spell check said, "okay" - I hope I don't sound like a babbling idiot, today!

Annamarie's appointment was canceled yesterday afternoon, and we'll see if Luci's is canceled today.  Julie, the therapist, was ill.  I was happy not to have to go anywhere yesterday.  I woke up at 4am and felt dazed and confused all day!

I woke up (AGAIN!!!) this morning at 4am.  I guess, for whatever reason, my body has decided this is the new time for me to awaken, and the solution to my sluggishness will be to go to bed around 8:30 each night.  I guess when the time changes and we "fall back" I'll be up at 3am!  Yikes!  That doesn't sound pleasant!

I'm getting ready to take Luci to daycare and pick up a prescription for her and a dental prescription for me.  Who knows what they'll give me this time????   It's not like anything they've prescribed has helped me!  I asked the dentist's receptionist if she thought he'd want to try again to tranquilize me or if he'd given up and wanted me to come in sober and talk just as much as I do on tranquilizers!  I DID tell her that, with the last round of stuff they gave me, I never DID fall asleep - not even when I got home.

We don't have plans for the weekend.  Never really do.  Since we had some rain on Wednesday, Jesse may have to work on Saturday.  Lawncare needs are starting to slow down and he said he thought he would start taking off on Mondays.  He took off last Monday, we'll see how long his new plan lasts!

I made Mexican soup last night.  It was a toss up between hamburger/vegetable soup or Mexican soup.  The girls wanted Mexican.  I make it different each and every time.  This time I made more broth than usual, which left more room for sour cream, shredded cheddar, and lots of ground up tortilla chips!

The plan for tonight is fish sticks, mac & cheese, and green vegetable.  Jesse isn't big on any of those items and added, "Or, we could just have leftovers!" 

I'll putter around here today until I find out for sure if we will be keeping that afternoon appointment for Luci.

Got most of the girls' laundry done yesterday, as well as the new blankets I bought for the birdcage and for us in the den.  Our old blankets (fleece) in the den will become Sampson's new bedding!  I may use one or two for the cat, Jesse-boy.  He's just a sack of fur and bones with very little meat and NO muscle tone.

I'm slowly knocking off items from my to-do list!  Made the dog & cat bedding, new bird cage cover, some fall colors displayed in the house, etc.  At some point I'll have to pay bills today!  Praise the Lord I have the money to pay them! Right?

This has been a totally uneventful day.  "They" predicted awful storms and, so far, nothing has happened except some heavy rains.  "They" continue to predict gloom and doom through early tonight, which makes me unmotivated to start laundry, baking, or anything else requiring electricity.  Nothing like a half-baked lasagna or a dryer full of  half-dried clothing!

Monday, Jesse took off work (it rained Sunday night) and we ran errands together.  Nothing major, except maybe for me.  I didn't have a whole lot of energy.  Just one of those days.  We made a deposit at the bank, put the title of a new van we bought into MY name (yippee!), went to Target, ate a burger at Chili's, then bought a bit at Sam's, and finally Wal-Mart.  Not much time was spent at any one place, but I felt draggy all day.  Went to bed around 8pm.

Yesterday, Emily came to clean and (like always) we had such a nice visit.  AND, my house is now cleaner than it was on Monday!  For some reason I was dead tired yesterday, too, and sat down to eat at 6:15 and thought my head would fall into my plate.  I was in bed by 8pm and asleep by 8:15pm.

Tomorrow is Annamarie's psych appointment and Luci has hers on Friday.  I have a soup dinner planned for tomorrow and fish sticks for Friday.  Nothing like simplifying a the menu!  I'll try for the Stouffer's lasagna tonight and pray our electricity stays on.  I don't think Jesse would want to haul out a generator to finish cooking a lasagna dinner!  Maybe I should start it now while there's a break in the clouds and the sun in shining.

What a confusing day.  I don't know whether to turn on the lamps or put on my sunglasses!