August 16, 2007

  • Still Here, I Guess

    It seems I've broken the "medical rules" and now I am paying for it.  A couple of days ago, I thought I was strong enough to put a pot roast in the Crock Pot, boil some potatoes and carrots early (to heat up and fix for dinner later), and THEN SIT DOWN after the initial cooking process.

    It ended up being too much activity for me.  When it was time to sit down for dinner, I was gasping for breath, and I had NO appetite.  I ate anyway, but it was forced.  Then, I crawled back to bed and just bawled my little heart and eyes out.

    I feel worthless and helpless.  I can't see what possible point God has in all of this, yet I know I'm not to question Him.  AND, this seems to be taking 4-EVER to go away.  I placed some calls out to find a housekeeper.  I just need someone Mondays and Thursday for about 2 hours each day.  I think that should be enough to keep the crud away from our house and me down (which we all know now really means "in bed").  I figure for a month or maybe until the end of September domestic help would be useful.  Surely I'll either be well or die by them.  (ONLY kidding!)

    There's so many simple things I could be doing, but don't have the energy.  I need to order Rissy's new textbooks: I finally decided, last week, which ones I want to use this next year.  I want to get my fabric for our dresses mailed to my friend, Tina, so the girls will have something to wear in fall and early winter.  I HAVE mended a few things while in bed - buttons and hems and a few stuffed animals and an Amish doll that all busted a seam.

    Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself - enormously so.  I don't think I'm doing well with learning to be patient or waiting.  And, it's not that I had any great plans in my future.  I'm just not seeing much progress.  It's all been at a snail's pace.  I've tried all of the analogies of the tortoise and the hare, the ant . . . but I'm human and maybe that's why I cry more than usual. 

    I don't think the ant or tortoise ever cried.  I sure wish I'd learn to be happy with what I have and not always strive for so much more.

Comments (4)

  • Wish I lived close enough to bring in a meal for you.
    Somewhere I have a poem but can't find it so I will post the gist of it.
    Our life is like a song and it usually flows along just swell but like any good song that occasionally has a rest in it...so God will put a "rest" in our life at times...Come apart and rest awhile in Him!
    Take it easy dear!
    Will be praying for you,
    Tina

  • I'm so sorry to hear you are still feeling so bad!!  I'm glad you were up to putting up a new post - it's nice to hear from you and get an update. 
    Praying for you, my friend, as you try to rest~  {{{hugs}}}

  • I know it's frustrating when your mind says go, go, go and your body says no, no, no.  Even though it's hard to stay down, in the long run it will help you to be up and about faster.  I'm so sorry it's taking so long to get over this.  I hope you are well very soon.

  • The ant and the tortoise were animals and hence incapable of feeling what we feel.  Please please please try to stay down.  What do you need to do to order Rissy's books?  To get the package off to mail?  Can you do it in baby steps?  Can someone else do it?

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