I am "up" but not around.  At least I'm not supposed to be around.  After sitting in my chair and typing the list for Thurs. 13, I didn't feel so great.  I think I sit upright in my chair (straight back) at my desk, not relying on the cushioned chair back to support me, and sitting upright for that amount of time was taxing on my energy reserve.  I feel MUCH better today.

I was a little discouraged that the doctor gave me 2 more inhalers yesterday, which means I'm to be taking the steroid & bronchial dilator meds for another full four weeks.  That puts me at the end of September and where they said, all along, I'd be before making a full recovery.  I was a little disappointed to receive two inhalers, but at least I'm not stuck in bed with a breathing machine treatment twice a day AND inhalers!

I've made a wonderful friend in Emily - the gal that's helping me with my housework.  We have so much in common and I'm 29 years older than her!  Age has never made a difference to me in my friendships, so she fits right in my list of "people" to whom I'm close!  I was thrilled to be able to bless her today with a ton of books remaining from when Lori K chose to leave some behind - I told her to take them all.  Also, I gave her a book I've had for two years full of beautiful pictures of Amish country and the people.  I ended up with two identical books and have been waiting for the right person to give my second copy.  Emily received it gratefully, and I couldn't have picked a more suitable person!

The ladies from the church continue to insist on popping in every few days bringing meals.  Even though I feel up to making simple meals, I can't say the help isn't most likely needed by me.  I am probably doing too much even though I'm trying not to.  I tried to say "No" to the meals this week, but they wouldn't let me!  I can't wait to be well again and do the same for them.

Mainly, I walk around the house sitting in different rooms.  That's my way of getting a change of scenery (!!!), but I NEVER sit in my bedroom!  I'm waay to familiar with "that" room!  I sit in different places in the formal living room or den or the kitchen table.  I went all out today and sat in Luci's spot for my breakfast meal!!!  Woo!  Hoo!  I'm really stretching my travels!  I read about everyone's lives and live vicariously through some of my blog friends.  I miss the fast paced hectic schedule - remind me of *that* in January!!!

I think Jesse will try to take off Monday to spend some restful time with us.  He usually goes to bed early so he can wake up early and, this past week, I've been right there with him.  Last night, he was asleep by 8:45pm and I was only a few minutes later.  Guess it's all that walking around my different rooms and changing seats all day that's doing me in!

I'm off to watch Jeopardy! and have a cup of hot tea.  At least this post isn't as depressing as those in the last month!

The next day, Saturday, Jesse asked me to get dressed (the first time in a long time that I haven't been in a nightgown all day) and said we could go for a ride.  I didn't do a lot to get myself ready and then had to sit and rest  in the living room before we actually went for our ride.  He took me down to the church that we wanted to visit before I became ill - the same one that has prepared meals and been just wonderful to us.  It wasn't as long of a drive as I had anticipated.  We drove around looking at property and all of the different new construction that's happened since we were down that way a year ago.  It was good to get out of the house, but I must say I was extremely exhausted after we arrived home and didn't try to do much of anything except recuperate.

On Sunday, I cooked my first meal (not counting the Crock Pot episode I thought I was ready to handle a week or so ago).  I put some boneless beef ribs in the oven at 250° and later made a can of baked beans in the microwave and boiled some corn on the cob.  I had to wait about a half hour after everything was done to give myself a rest before sitting down to eat.  My life is nothing at all like it used to be when I took flitting around for granted!

My goal this week is to get dressed each day.  I AM in a dress right now.  I haven't needed to be in bed as much (except for Saturday after our ride) and there isn't a need for me to be in nightgowns if I'm not lying in bed.  I'd also like to keep up with the laundry and cook our meals.  I think that's plenty of activity to start with right now and if I feel myself becoming weak, gasping for breath, or feeling overwhelmed I will stop immediately.  I DO NOT want to end up back in bed.

I've discovered something about cooking - it takes more energy to make a casserole than it does to bake meat and microwave frozen vegetables and a boxed potato or rice dish.  I think we will also rely on bagged salad mixes and fruit salads.  As long as I have help getting the table ready (the girls can do that) and cleaning the kitchen mess afterwards (Jesse has been wonderful to do that), I think preparing basic meals will not be too much.

I'm anxious to act "normal" again and be responsible instead of dependent.

Some of the textbooks I ordered arrived Friday afternoon (part of the excitement that caused my meltdown of energy) and you would have thought the girls had gotten new toys or a new wardrobe.  I've never seen children get so excited about school!

I sure wish I had something interesting to write; but, wearing a dress and having my hair in a ponytail is pretty exciting news for me!

I'm able to watch light movies or Jeopardy, etc. without my mind drifting.  I've started reading a short book written in brief diary-form entries: easy to pick up and easy to put down.  Also, I ordered 3 condensed Reader's Digest books - 4 stories in one book - and, I'm waiting for a book by Erma Bombeck to arrive.  The condensed stories are a little long for me, but I DID complete one story.

Not only do I have some help with the evening meals (brought in by wonderful church people Lori K has rallied) but someone has come to work for me 2 days a week to clean the basics.  She's another sweet, sweet girl from the same church that's helping with our meals.  She took time to visit with me yesterday.  I sure enjoyed her company and getting to know her better. Her name is Emily.  {{{{{{{{{{{{{Emily}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm still required to rest in bed but I can successfully wipe down the crumbs from the kitchen bar and wipe the toothpaste, etc. from our bathroom counter while I'm in there.  Those little things don't bother me . . . AS LONG AS I REST AFTERWARDS.  My  husband called Lori K this weekend to report my misdeeds - I cleaned the girls' bathroom (sink & toilet) and swept the carpet around my bed!!!   So . . . I promised Lori K that I would only do ONE BIG THING a day and that would be it - no more BIG THINGS until the next day.

Sunday night, Jesse ran to Wal-Mart quickly and I threw all of our bathroom towels into the washer and retrieved all the empty hangers from the girls' messy closet rod while he was gone.  The phone rang. It was Reba (from the church) who caught me breathless.  She asked what in the world I was doing and I told her.  Her next question was, "WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND?"  As she asked me that question, the front door opened and in he walked!  I told her, "Ummmmm, he is just walking in the door from Wal-Mart."  She figured quickly (and said so), "So he left and you jumped up out of bed to do more than you are supposed to do?"  I believed my answer was a meek, "Yeah, pretty much . . . "  I explained to her that Lori and I had agreed I could do ONE BIG THING A DAY and the laundry and hangers had been my BIG THING.  However,  it was quite embarrassing to be gasping for breath during the entire phone call.  I felt like God had her call me at that exact moment to keep me from going overboard.  I didn't even realize I was so short of breath.

I need to cut this short so this blog entry isn't considered my ONE BIG THING for the day! 

The only other big news I have to report is that I took a shower yesterday without an adult in the house!  I did just fine.  I didn't fall and break a hip!!!  I took Tangi Tango (the cockatiel) into the shower with me for moral support!

I AM resting because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't.  In order to see progress, I must look back to last week's Thurs/Fri to realize my dry cough isn't as severe this week.  I AM sitting up in bed instead of being propped up, and I'm eating my meals at the table and sitting here at the computer instead of laying in bed for meals and NO contact on the computer.  That's progress, albeit small.

I ordered Rissy's books textbooks yesterday.  What should have been a simple data entry punch!, punch!, punch! . . . was a tedious ordeal and finally I pushed the "Order Now" button.  I felt like I'd never ordered anything online, before!  I checked and rechecked my order form (only 20 books, 3 or 4 of which were duplicates!!!!!) and felt dulled of my senses.  I decided to only order for Rissy and the few books Annamarie will be sharing (social studies, geography, & Bible) and will order the rest of the workbooks for Luci and JanaLyn (and the rest of the sets for Annamarie) later on, but before they become obsolete.

I feel like, if I can get Jesse to find a box in the garage for the fabrics for Tina, I can pack it up with the patterns and notions this weekend, if she's willing to wash the fabrics before cutting out the dresses.  That's my problem - it's not as simple as just putting fabric in a box and a taking it to the post office.  I still have to measure the girls and send those numbers to Tina, as well as wash the fabric and designate what goes with which child, and be sure I have all of the notions with the correct piece of fabric.  Too much to ponder at this point!

None of this sounds like a big deal, I know, but that's the amount of energy I lack.  I am experiencing difficulty with everything I do, if my brain is required.  Thinking is beyond my ability, too.

They gave me a NEW medicine (inhaler) yesterday when Jesse took the girls in for their med appointments.  The gal on the phone told me she had given Jesse something new for me to use, told me the name of the inhaler, told me how often to use it, but I couldn't understand her.  She finally asked me to get a sheet of paper to write down the instructions she was telling me.   I felt like a BOZO.

We are possibly going to get rain this weekend (hurricane, tropical storms from TX) and temps should stay in the 90's.  I haven't minded the 100+ temps since I've been indoors the whole time.  It rained all through June and the beginning of July, then I got sick around July 15th and have been sick ever since.  Schools around the area are starting up again and I feel like I lost a whole summer.  The girls swam in a friend's pool twice and played in the sprinkler about 5 times - not their typical type of summer.

The longevity of my recovery is similar to the summer of 1986 when I lost a baby in June and almost lost my own life.  When September came, I was still feeling puny.  I was 33yo instead of 54yo and it STILL took me months to recover from that episode.  Of course, I only had Stephanie, who had just turned 8 - while I was in the hospital.  Now I have 3 munchkins to think about, but I DO have a husband!

Okey, dokey, I've been on here long enough today.  Thank you, thank you (!!!!) for your prayers and those who sent cards, etc.  I WILL write thank you notes when I am strong enough to remember how to spell!

Hooray for Spell Check!

It ended up being too much activity for me.  When it was time to sit down for dinner, I was gasping for breath, and I had NO appetite.  I ate anyway, but it was forced.  Then, I crawled back to bed and just bawled my little heart and eyes out.

I feel worthless and helpless.  I can't see what possible point God has in all of this, yet I know I'm not to question Him.  AND, this seems to be taking 4-EVER to go away.  I placed some calls out to find a housekeeper.  I just need someone Mondays and Thursday for about 2 hours each day.  I think that should be enough to keep the crud away from our house and me down (which we all know now really means "in bed").  I figure for a month or maybe until the end of September domestic help would be useful.  Surely I'll either be well or die by them.  (ONLY kidding!)

There's so many simple things I could be doing, but don't have the energy.  I need to order Rissy's new textbooks: I finally decided, last week, which ones I want to use this next year.  I want to get my fabric for our dresses mailed to my friend, Tina, so the girls will have something to wear in fall and early winter.  I HAVE mended a few things while in bed - buttons and hems and a few stuffed animals and an Amish doll that all busted a seam.

I don't think the ant or tortoise ever cried.  I sure wish I'd learn to be happy with what I have and not always strive for so much more.

On Friday, I had a chest x-ray, lab work, MORE medicine dispensed, and the edict handed down that I am, in fact, improving.  I was told to stay "down" (which I finally understood meant "in bed") through the weekend.

The doctor said on Monday (today!!!!) I could start "small tasks," which I interpreted as cooking simple meals, doing the laundry, etc.  She specified I was not to push a vacuum cleaner or a lawn mower.  But, yesterday, I sweep our bedroom with the Kirby vacuum.  I just HAD to get the filth up.  I felt like I was breathing dust and pet hair into my respiratory system, and that couldn't be a good thing.  I also cleaned the girls bathroom except for the tub.  Cleaning their bathroom had been on my family's list of things "To Do" for over a week, but no one had done it.  I think it had been 2 weeks since it was last cleaned.

She told me to listen to my body.  If doing the laundry made me short of breath, I was to stop immediately and lay down.  She also told me it would probably be September before I felt like my old self.  My impatience with the unexpected shortness of breath episodes has been the hardest thing for me.  But, after being sick for a month, September sounds very close.  I'm focusing on how soon Labor Day will be here instead of how things are right now and how impatient I feel about getting up and around.  I've done lots of soul searching and growing - with God's guidance. 

I'm still learning to trust Him and His timing.

I continue to be "stuck" in bed.  I'm stay down, IN BED, about 90% of the time.  I have done a few things around the house (against doctor's orders) like sweep the kitchen floor, clean the burners on the stove, throw Pine-Sol in the toilets and sinks, etc.  I started taking meals at the kitchen table again (rather than my bed - ick!) and my friend Lori K has given me the greatest gift ever - she (from her home in OHIO!!!) arranged for the church to check in daily to see if we need our evening meal brought in.  Accepting meals has been VERY HUMBLING, because I've had to admit I need lots of help and can't do it myself.

The people who have brought food have also stopped in my bedroom to visit - one even brought a card!  I'm overwhelmed by the generosity of the brethren and their sincerity.  This is what OUR FAMILY normally does - helps others in need - and I'm learning to be a little more comfortable with the opposite side of the giving stick.  We've given and given to so many people during our 10 years of marriage, and God brought it to my mind that "as we sow, so shall we reap" and this is my harvest.

I don't have much of an attention span and find it difficult to have a conversation; also, I have shortness of breath if I talk too much. I really haven't been able to watch TV (I drift), nor have I been able to read anything from my extensive library of books.  I HAVE read bits and pieces in my Bible and trust God is leading me to the places I need to be and working on my spirit.

I had an appointment scheduled for this coming Monday, but they have asked me to come back in this afternoon rather than wait.  I'm still very short of breath and have only a rare, dry, wheezy cough.  I also found out pneumonia is going around our state and is VERY hard to shake.  My sister-in-law (a nurse), the medical books I own, and an online query I read, all say pneumonia takes 2-3 weeks to get rid of . . . then, you feel weak for another 2-4 weeks.

Jesse is in the process of looking for a house cleaner to come in for a month, twice a week, for a few hours to do the basic dusting, vacuuming, bathrooms & kitchen stuff.  I'm thinking next week I should be able to get up and pull together simple meals (crock pot, or similar) - but who knows what the doctor will say today?????

Patience is a virtue - one I don't possess but am trying to learn.

Jesse took care of doing everything for Luci's birthday, yesterday..  Stephanie decorated the table and arranged Luci's presents in the den while Jesse took her for pizza and to Wal-Mart to pick out a special gift.  She was happy.  And, we got some decent 5th B-Day pictures.

Happy Anniversary, Mr. & Mrs. Krull.  I SO wanted to send you a message or have Jesse call, yesterday, but it just wasn't within my scope of energy, or lack thereof.  Also, thanks for the sweet comment, Sarah.

I will be taking a break from blogging until I regain my strength.  I've been told it can be a week to 3 weeks.

This "staying down" order is really hard for me, but I find I MUST or I will end up in the hospital.  Actually, staying down is a little easier than before, because I can't catch my breath if I do much of anything besides walk to the restroom.

So, I'll be back to the blogging world again, I just don't know when.  Hopefully this will immensely improve this week.

All prayers are welcome.

When I took my antibiotic this morning, it seemed there were a lot of pills left.  The quantity I received was 20 pills, six days ago, and I was supposed to take two pills a day.  BUT, when I counted the pills, I had 14 left.  Uh, oh!  I realized, I had taken a prescription decongestant (similar in size & shape) instead of the antibiotic!  The bottles were next to each other and I guess I took only 6 antibiotics instead of the 11 that should have been in me. . .

The #1 reason why I'm not well, yet - I'm a dummy.

Then, when I went to the doctor this afternoon (and sheepishly admitted to my stupidity), she said I had severe bronchitis and was on the verge of going into pneumonia, and the antibiotic I had been taking (albeit, only six of them!) wasn't good at fighting lung infections . . .

The #2 reason why I'm not well, yet - wrong type of antibiotic.

She renewed my asthma inhaler prescription; gave me Prednisone for my inflamed sinuses, bronchial tubes, and lungs; and (best of all) samples of a different antibiotic that specifically works for lung and sinus infections.  Words can't describe how grateful I am for the samples.  The last time (May 2006) I was this sick, the doctor called in these same antibiotics and it cost $139.00 for ten pills!  These ten were free, whew!

The doctor I saw today told me I have to be sure to drink lots of water and "STAY DOWN!" . . .

The #3 reason why I'm  not well, yet - I guess "down" means "down."

I'm staying "down" as much as I can, and I'm really hoping my high dollar antibiotic samples work quickly.  The last time I took this brand, I experienced a huge difference within 24 hours and I'm praying for the same results. 

Tonight's dinner will be leftovers (again!!!) and that's as "down" as I can stay with 3 daughters and my husband working late.

I can't believe I took the wrong pills.  I've always wondered how people make mistakes with medicine and now I rank as #1 in medicine mix-ups.

I feel like such a dummy.