July 31, 2007
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Accepting Help
I was thinking today about how much I am dependent upon others right now, as I continue to recover from "the plague." I'm amazed at how hard it is for me to "stay down" (and do nothing) while my children and Jesse do the bulk of what needs to be done. I've also realized that, without modern medicine and antibiotics, I probably would have never lived this long if born in the 1800's, regardless if I had people to "help" or not.
*I'm* the one who is always coming to someone's aid. *I'm* the one who always has more energy than most everyone else. *I'm* the one that takes the bull by the horns and does what needs to be done. This is all a role reversal for me right now, and I'm not sure how to take my seat on the receiving end.
Jesse DIDN'T go to another store Sunday night to pick up the few things we needed. Instead, he picked up Luci from daycare on Monday and went to Wal-Mart and did the BIG shopping job for me. He insisted I NOT go to the store Monday afternoon; but, he said he wanted me to stay "DOWN" so I could get well. He left me with Annamarie & Rissy and a frozen meal (not bad - chicken fettucine) to fix for dinner. I was amazed that my strength was sapped after preparing the meal in the microwave and "cleaning up the dishes," which consisted of forks and paper plates! I was straining to stay on my feet and wiping sweat from my brow as I dumped the plates in the trash and rinsed the forks.
Jesse came home with a car full of groceries and put away as much as he could (no one knows where everything goes except for me) and the girls helped him. Luci got herself ready for bed. Annamarie did her best to bathe herself yesterday and get her hair washed (it's very long and thick) and Rissy (who isn't feeling well, herself) has taken a load of responsibility during the day. Still I'm tired at the end of each day and can't figure out which TV show is wearing me out! It has to be the TV, because I don't think I'm doing much of anything else!
I've kept up with the laundry. Rissy has vacuumed, dusted, cleaned floors, and cared for the pets. Jesse stocked up on Stouffer's frozen dinners, so I won't have to cook. He even bought donuts for breakfast today. He took Luci to daycare this morning and said he'd pick her up this evening. Rissy just got out of the bathtub and is dressed and ready to do whatever I might need. I NEED a shower, but she can't help with that!
As an adult, I've often dreamed of what it would be like to not have any responsibilities again, like when I was a child and others worried about everything and my only job was to come when they called me to the table. I'm finding that I can't let go without feeling guilty. I'm grateful for the help I'm receiving, but I can't say I enjoy "needing" it. When my close friend, Lori K, was here in June, we talked about people helping each other when someone is in need. I lamented that things aren't like they used to be when family and friends quickly and willingly jumped in to help another family in need. Now, I find myself in need AND receiving help from my immediate family, but I feel so odd about the circumstances in which I find myself. There isn't a friend who's offered to help our family right now; but, I wonder if I'd be able to accept the offer if it was extended?????
I think I need to do some work on "accepting" help and feeling okay about it.
Comments (8)
Wow, sounds like your hubby & girls are doing a great job of helping you! Rissy sounds like quite the little helper - how old is she? It is hard to let someone come in and do things, but we should welcome someone's help in our times of need, as much as we long to help others in their season of need. I try to think of it as allowing someone else to be blessed by their giving and service, even though it's my nature to want to do the 'doing' also.
Praying that you'll be able to get the rest you need and recover in the Lord's time. We are fighting strep & very bad headcolds in our house these past couple weeks. I finally got the head cold yesterday, so today will be a resting day for me, too. I tried to get as much of the housework as possible done early in the day while I had a burst of energy (thanks to cold medicine!
) and plan to take it easy for the afternoon.
Sigh. I wish I were there to help. I hate to think of you on the couch, trying to do stuff but feeling like you do right now.
I know how you feel, I don't mind helping someone else, but I find it very hard to ask for help. I need to work on that too.
I found myself pretty sick this winter with strep (I don't get sick often but when I do, man oh man is it bad!)I could hardly move! but I felt I just HAD to do everything! (did I mention that my husband had strep for 2 weeks but it was just "a little sore" lol)
It can be hard accepting help especially when you really need it. But you get better faster when you aren't doing all yourself. At church this Sunday the pastor was talking about how we all tend to want to bless others with this or that but when they want to bless us, we say "oh no, I don't need your help! I can do it myself". He then referred to Genesis 12:2-3. And it made sense to me, God blesses those who bless us. While it may be hard to let people help me, I want them to be blessed, and when they need the help I can return that blessing to them
If I wasn't tied to a chair by my 5 kids (LOL), I would help
but if you need anything, I don't live too far away 
Sounds like you have a wonderful hubby. I have been seeing you on my friend Okiejo63's site and my curiosity got the best of me but looks like it did at an opportune time. The more prayer the better. I hope you are feeling well soon and able to do a little more. I am like, you I hate to be sick, don't have time to be sick and I get pretty frustrated when I do.
BTW: It is a sub teaching job, although I could eat my weight in Subway sandwiches. MMMmmm!
Another BTW: I'm going to be at Whispering Pines this Sunday, August 5th. I would LOVE it if you came that day and we could meet in person. Let me know and I will look for you. I will only be there for the morning service which starts at 10:00am. Hope to see you there!
Oh Cherylyn! What a bunch of idiots! I mean the folks who "cancelled" all your subsidies, etc. I would be livid at this point. How are you feeling today? I've been thinking about you....prayer goes without saying.
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