June 21, 2007

  • Thirteen Things That
     Don't Work Like They Should

     

    1.   Any pen you grab because you need to quickly write something down. The first five pens are guaranteed to be dried up and then miraculously work again AFTER the urgency of finding a pen has passed.

    2.   Artificial sweeteners that advertise they don't taste artificial. Each one leaves that "funny" coating on your tongue.

    3.   Off brand toys that are more than 30 days old. AND, after 30 days the stores no longer stand behind them. Returning them usually entails a shipping fee that costs more than the price of the toy.

    4.   "NO FAIL" pie crust recipes given by friends and family.

    5.   Speedy checkout lanes meant for customers with ten or less items paying cash. There's always one person who has 25 items and wants to write an out of state check.

    6.   Those choppers guaranteed on TV to chop, shred, or dice anything for the low price of only $19.95 (plus shipping and handling).

    7.   Full size SUV's that advertise up to 20 mpg in town and even better on the highway.

    8.   Plants that are guaranteed low maintenance and to grow and not die. I can kill the most hearty ivy!

    9.   Any product your child uses to paint or color that says, "Easy clean up! No mess!"

    10.  The salesman who says, "I've worked here for 12 years. I'm going to be here if you have a problem." When you return to the establishment with a problem, he is no longer an employee.

    11.  Automated phone systems that give you all the information you need and are there to "help" you. You usually get lost in the telephone loop of pushing different numbers. After giving up and trying repeatedly to reach customer service, you are informed that the business is now closed for the day and to please try again on the next business day.

    12.  Mosquito repellants for the yard that make dinner outside and outdoor parties enjoyable. There is no such thing.

    13.  Most teenagers. Not ALL . . . but "most" of them.

     

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