June 5, 2007

• What a Difference a Week Makes

  Who said, "They were the worst of times and they were the best of times," or something close to that?

  One week ago, we had Marcus with us.  His mother had (once more) told us she definitely didn't want him to come back to her until (at least) the end of the summer, after telling him he "might" get to come home soon.  She has changed her mind weekly, ever since he's been here, and has never been good (after the first few days) about answering our phone calls.

  The events of the past 4 days, as they unraveled:

  Jesse got back from Washington on Saturday afternoon.  We spent a nice evening (just the two of us) going out to dinner and visiting with each other about his trip.

  Sunday morning, Jesse went to church and I stayed home with the "strep throat children."  When, out of his room, Marcus came to me announcing he'd finally gotten his mother to answer the phone the night before.  He told me she was coming the following Saturday (after she was finished with a workshop) to pick him up, but he wasn't counting on it because he hasn't been able to believe anything she's said up to this point.  She's promised him numerous times she was coming for him and then changed her mind and made US tell him he was staying.  Funny thing that she should tell Marcus, and not us, about her plans to come get him.  It broke my heart to hear him say he couldn't believe his mother.

  I had purchased homeschool books and was preparing (the next day) to purchase a water park and amusement park pass for him for the summer.  Just two days earlier, I had lined up a month of psychologist appointments for him to receive counseling from a wonderful man.  Also, I was going to apply for medical insurance for him on Monday.  Of course, Jesse called her and her mother (Marcus' grandmother) to ask why the change in plans again; but, no one would answer their phones. 

  I told Jesse I was done with his mother's indecisiveness.  She was turning my stomach into knots because I could never make definite plans for him and I could only imagine what her inconsistencies were doing to Marcus.  I felt strongly that her broken promises to Marcus were impeding our ability to help him, because the length of his stay changed almost weekly.  We have company coming on the next two weekends and her coming the next weekend wasn't convenient for us.  When Jesse finally got her to answer his call, he told her he'd meet her halfway that very same day and we wouldn't prolong his return any longer.  I told Jesse, I was afraid she'd change her mind again by next weekend and I wanted the game playing stopped IMMEDIATELY.  She was being terribly unfair to me (and Jesse) and sickeningly unfair to her son.

  So, in the car we hopped a couple of hours later to drive almost 2 hours, meet his mother at a restaurant, and drive 2 hours back.  Remember, Jesse had just flown in from Washington 24 hours earlier.

  Marcus' mother had no interest in what we had to tell her when we met her at the restaurant.  She briefly hugged Marcus, went to the restroom, and when she came back to the table she asked if he had remembered to pack everything.  He told her he had and her response was a sarcastic, "I seriously doubt that!"  She continued to speak to him in such a derogatory tone throughout our meal and I was embarrassed for him.  She asked us about him cussing at us and throwing temper tantrums and we assured her that NOT ONCE had anything like that happened.  We told her we had treated him with respect and in turn had received respectful behavior from him.  We had talked and discussed things frequently with him and found out his opinions about different things.  And, we had explained to him WHY we had to say "no" to some of his requests and that he had accepted our answer without sulking or getting angry . . . but, she interrupted us to say she really needed to buy a new sofa and table for her new place. 

  Near the end of our visit, she used her best authoritative voice to tell him, "When you get home, you'd better plan to keep your nose in those school books you've been working in."  She doesn't know that I did NOT send the books home because they are expensive and I think he would never open them without someone to "teach" the subject matter.  He went outside to use her cell phone and I took the opportunity to tell her what level I thought he was at educationally.  I told her where I saw potential problems . . .  but she literally stood up while I was talking and said, "Well, I guess I'd better be going."

  She was more interested in talking about her new dog, the new furniture she was going to buy, and how her children were spoiled (or words similar to that) and how things were going to be different for him when he got home.  There was no respect shown him, nor did she look me in the eyes when we spoke.  I choked down my meal and could barely look at her.  I was so disgusted with her and my heart simply ached (as it always does for a child with incompetent parents) for Marcus.

  Meanwhile, earlier in the day when Jesse was on the phone with Marcus' mother, the guy who was helping him mow lawns showed up to collect money from mowing while Jesse was gone.  Jesse had received numerous complaints from customers because no one had mowed their yards last week.  Ends up, the "helper" had written down one address on a street and when Jesse drove him by the other 3 or 4 houses on that same street, showing him what had to be done, the guy never wrote the additional addresses down.  Consequently, one yard got mowed on a street and the rest were left undone.

  Jesse told the helper he wasn't pleased because he had taken 3 hours before he left town to drive him by each and every house.  PLUS, he and Marcus had mistakenly mowed someone's yard who wasn't even a customer!  Some of the customers, who had their yard mowed, have been calling to say it needs to be redone.

  Jesse paid his helper (AND Marcus) and told the helper to call him early Monday morning.  The helper never called yesterday.  BUT, Jesse could have cared less, as he spent the night and most of yesterday vomiting.  He left a message for the helper to call him.  He did call Jesse about 8:30 last night.  He told him he had found another job and had been at his "new" job all day and that's why he couldn't call him!  Oh brother!

  So, today, Jesse is out alone (with a truck that still stinks from whatever the two guys ran over last week) trying to catch up with no helpers.  On top of that, he's still not up to par with his stomach problems.  The truck will cost about $100 to have it detailed to remove the odor from the under carriage.

  I feel so sorry for Marcus and Jesse and realize I'm without power to fix anything for either one.

  Marcus cried when I hugged him good bye and I told him he had done everything "right" and was NOT being kicked out of our house, but that I couldn't allow his mother to disappoint him one more time.  I told him I loved him and he bear hugged me with those tears in his eyes.

  Same thing when Jesse hugged him in the parking lot of the restaurant.  He's mother was yacking on and on about the stupid dog (she had brought it with her) and Marcus' eyes welled up with tears when Jesse said, "If you remember just one thing we taught you, it will have been worthwhile for all of us."

  Big sigh, here.

  Marcus' departure has left a hole in our family and it feels weird to all of us for him to be gone, not to mention how suddenly it all happened.  Fortunately, we have two sets of visitors coming over the next two weekends and my focus is on those visits and having a good time. 

  I'm praying for everyone involved in all that's happened in the past week.  Like every other sadness in life - I know that time heals everything.

   

   

  • 1:48 pm
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