April 5, 2007

  • Friendships

    Lately, I've been thinking a lot about friendships and what makes a person a "good" friend.  I don't pretend to have answers or a recipe for friendship; but, as I pray and ask God for help in this area, I believe He is telling me to reach out and "show" my friendship through my actions.

    What began my pondering about friends, today, is an an e-mail I sent to a long, lost friend.  She is a gal who has always been so very dear to me - someone I met in 1992!  We were pretty close and then I quit the job where we met.  She got married, had a baby, moved out of state, and then moved again.  I married again and moved twice.  Somewhere, sandwiched in between my marriage and my moves, came the arrival of three more children.  Laura and I tried hard to stay in touch but it seemed impossible.  Yet, I never forgot her.

    When Jesse and I were selling our second house and moving to our current house, I got a call from a real estate agent who said her name was Laura.  She was inquiring about our home that was for sale by owner.  No way!  But, yes, I recognized her voice immediately:  my "friend" Laura.  We exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses, promised to stay in touch and, as before, our lives moved on.  But again, I never forgot her and thought of her many times over the years.

    Today is her birthday and I still had her old e-mail address.  That's where I mailed her Hallmark e-card.  Since I couldn't forget her, I simply reached out today with a VERY small gesture.  I can't express what an enthusiastic response she had to my card and what a thrill it was to touch hearts again - even though it was via Internet.

    Why?  Why?  Why do people give up on friends?  Why do people get so embarrassed because they haven't contacted someone in such a long time?  Rather than stick out their necks and make that contact, people shrink back and do nothing only because so much time has gone by.  I've even heard people refer to a good friend from their past as, "someone I used to know."  USED to know? 

    We live in such a transitory world that manifests itself in the changing of jobs, houses, states of residence, and even marriage partners.  How in the world do we hope to anchor ourselves to anything permanent if we, ourselves, don't try?????

    Maybe it's illogical to maintain the same job or same house for a great length of time, but friends aren't hard to maintain.  You just have to step up to the plate, take some initiative, and sometimes be extremely creative.

    I've reflected a lot on my older friendships.  All of them come from different places.  A handful are from high school.  Many come from the different jobs I've worked.  I even have a friend from dance school whom I met when I was 8 and she was 5 years old.  One friend is a former neighbor who was my mother's friend when I was age 4 - 10 years old.  She and her family moved to another city, but she and mother stayed in touch.  After my mother's death, I continued the friendship with Joan.  Same thing with my mother's best friend from childhood.  After my mother's death, *I* maintained the friendship with Pat which also brought me back to my birth place of St. Louis, MO.

    I'm cultivating new friendships, too. 

    How do I maintain and cultivate friends?  I reach out.  I send a note, send a small gift, make a phone call, send an e-mail, send a snail mail card/note, etc.  Really . . . how busy are we that we can't take 15 - 30 minutes to make a contact?  It doesn't have to be done everyday.  Some friends require me contacting them a couple times a year, some I connect with more frequently - some less.

    There is a greatness in my heart when I chat with a friend whose been my friend "forever."  I immensely enjoy picking up where we left off or bringing up a story we can share from our past.  It takes so little time and, I believe, cultivates continuity in our lives and the lost, but precious, bond of kindred spirits.

    My friend Laura?  I think God brought our lives back together and gave us an opportunity to renew our friendship in 2003, when she contacted us about our home for sale.  But . . . I dropped the ball.  She dropped the ball.  THIS time, I am making a concerted effort to try harder in the maintenance of my friendship with Laura.  I learned something today: I had forgotten how much I value her friendship.

    Value?  Maybe that's the key word.  When we value something we take good care of it and protect it.  The longer we care for something, the more precious it becomes because it holds memories.